


Drowning in Concrete

by BiggestYikes



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Anxiety, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Family Bonding, Gen, Hurt Number Five | The Boy, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Number Five | The Boy Has Issues, Number Five | The Boy Needs A Hug, Number Five | The Boy Whump, Number Five | The Boy-centric, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Diego Hargreeves, Protective Siblings, Sexual Harassment, Suicidal Thoughts, Tags May Change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-21
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:00:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 31,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26587018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BiggestYikes/pseuds/BiggestYikes
Summary: After narrowly subverting the apocalypse, life returns to normal for the Hargreeves family. Unfortunately, this peace doesn't last long after Five follows Diego on a routine night mission that goes sideways in the worst way. The dysfunctional super siblings must now work as a team to try and put the pieces of their smallest member back together before he shatters completely beyond repair.
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy & Allison Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Diego Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Klaus Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & Luther Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy & The Hargreeves (Umbrella Academy), Number Five | The Boy & Vanya Hargreeves, Number Five | The Boy (Umbrella Academy) & Everyone, Number Five | The Boy (Umbrella Academy) & Original Character(s)
Comments: 192
Kudos: 631





	1. Shattered in Shadow

**Author's Note:**

> ((This story takes place at the end of an alternate version of season 1. Leonard mistakenly plays his hand too early, resulting in the discovery of Reggie's journal and Vanya's powers. This revelation pushes the rest of the Hargreeves together and reminds them what a true villain their father was. Gaining support and love from her family and avoiding Leonard's manipulation, Vanya doesn't go nuclear therefore preventing the apocalypse with *~feeeeelings~* After trying and failing to take down the Hargreeves, the Commission decides they're too much work and drops the hit on the family. Hazel still kills the Handler and Cha-Cha to run off with his donut queen so everybody gets a happy ending! Well until now :/
> 
> As a side note: my version of Five is a blended consciousness between his past and present self. He still has all the memories and skills of his 58-year-old self but is more influenced by the emotions of his 13-year-old self.))
> 
> TW: This chapter contains non-consensual drug use and attempted sexual assault. Know your limits and be safe!

The bass was loud.

Five’s head was pounding. 

Neon lights danced across his vision while a sea of bodies writhed around him, pushing his small frame about like a ship on stormy seas. _Fuckin Diego_ , Five thought with a shake of his head, turning to glare at the door his brother had disappeared through.

With the pesky apocalypse issue solved; his siblings and planet now safe and sound, Five found himself a little lost on how to occupy his time. It appeared the Commission had issued a cease-fire with its rogue assassin, having been 3 months with no agents appearing at his door. Life had pretty much resumed as normal for the Hargreeves family after many, in Fives opinion, _excruciating_ “family therapy sessions” and “heart-to-hearts” helping to heal some of the scars Reginald’s A+ parenting skills had left on their lives. 

Klaus had committed to being sober and gotten himself a job at a local tea shop, a little hole-in-the-wall joint with old books, hundreds of plants, and a clientele consisting mainly of hipsters. Ben enjoyed spending time with him in the shop, often picking a person to stand behind for the day and read along with them. 

Allison had finished her time in court; winning joint custody of Claire and now spent half her time back in LA with her daughter, returning to the Academy whenever she wasn’t parenting. She claimed it was to keep an eye on all of them as, in her words, “You all get in trouble whenever you breathe”.

It was obvious she returned instead of being lonely in her big apartment without her daughter, but no one ever made mention of it. Allison often turned those motherly instincts to the nearest substitute, Five, who bristled and acted perturbed but without any real heat behind it.

Luther had taken up a training job at Al’s gym, helping with the youth division and providing a sparring partner for anyone willing to try. He’d taken to keeping a journal, a suggestion from Vanya’s therapist he’d begun to see and was looking to turn his experiences on the moon into a book.

Vanya had adapted surprisingly well to her new situation, considering she’d almost ended the world on accident. After accepting many heartfelt, tearful apologies and endless group hugs from her siblings she’d declared that it was no one’s fault but their fathers, that everyone had some serious childhood traumas to work through. Vanya had been the one to start their family therapy sessions, sitting everyone down once a week to discuss their feelings.

She’d resumed her violin lessons back at her apartment but now took on only young clients, kids setting out to learn their first instrument. She also began volunteering at a local youth organization, often dragging another Hargreeves along with her. Vanya hadn’t asked Five to come with her yet, but he begrudgingly thought he’d probably accept. 

Diego had resumed his nightly vigilante activities, running around town taking down local thugs. He was currently trying to track down the head of a new gang who’d been keen on pushing drugs into the community and trying to recruit youths from Vanya’s center. That’s how Five found himself in this loud, sketchy bar tonight. Diego had an informant there, a manager or something, that he could press for information on where the new ring was operating.

Having nothing better to do that night, Five had followed his brother out on his rounds, intending to provide backup should the situation get out of hand. In all honesty, he kind of hoped it would. Five’s body knew violence like a second skin and the lack of action the past few months was like an itch, his bones ached for a familiar release. 

Diego had parked the car a few blocks away and led them to a side door around the back of the building, cutting through the dark alleyways and past a few dilapidated factories. He’d told Five to wait outside for him as rolling in with a 13-year-old was probably not gonna go over well. Five had rolled his eyes and agreed, but 20 seconds after Diego left, he opened the door and slipped in after him. His eyes caught his brother's tall frame as he weaved through the crowd to a door in the back, two men in black suits on either side. After speaking with them for a moment, one nodded and opened the door for him, Diego disappearing inside. 

Five picked a tall table near the back door they’d entered through, making sure he had a clear view of the office his brother had entered; he was poised and ready in case Diego needed any help. After about 15 minutes he noticed a man approaching him, tall and average looking, his khakis out of place in the dingy club.

“Hey there dude, are you lost or something? I doubt your fake ID is _that_ good,” the guy said in a friendly voice. Five gave him a once over; khaki pants, graphic tee with a witty statement under a plaid button-up, brown hair, dark eyes. Basic. Non-threatening.

Not wanting to draw attention and mess up whatever his brother had going on, Five decided not to bite the guy's head off and cause a scene.

“Just waiting on my brother to leave,” he said casually, sparing a glance at the door.

“Ah I hear that dude,” the man said with a warm laugh, “Just waiting on my sister to finish flirting with that guy she’s definitely not leaving with. We made a bet on how many drinks she could get for free tonight and we’re up to at least 6. Waiting on lucky number 7”.

He gestured to a pretty brunette girl across the room, leaning against the wall and laughing brightly into a tall man's face.

“I’m Greg by the way,” the guy said, sticking his hand out for Five to shake. He seemed fine, a bit boring, but he had a nice laugh and a good vibe. The boy relaxed a little, returning the handshake.

“I’m Five,” he stated, watching Greg’s eyebrows raise.

“Oh cool well I’m 28,” he said with a laugh, continuing “But seriously that’s a cool name, are your parents hippies?” 

“Something like that,” Five smirked.

The two sat in silence for a few moments, Greg looking over to check on his sister while Five glanced to the office door again. It’d been at least 20 minutes now since Diego had gone in and Five could feel himself growing a little antsy. Greg’s voice cut through his thoughts.

“Well I’m getting another beer, do you want a drink dude?”, he asked casually as he began to step away from the table. Five eyeballed him for a second before requesting a margarita, Greg departing with a laugh as he walked in the direction of the bar. He kept his eyes on the man as he exchanged words and bills with the bartender. The kind of guy that buys a drink for a 13-year-old in a bar was definitely not good news and Five was not about to let his guard down.

He surveyed the room again, eyes landing on the door Diego had gone through, willing it to open so he could leave this place. He was tired of the mass of people, the flashing lights, the thumping music. Movement to his right caught his eye as Greg returned, weaving through the crowd, 2 frosty brown bottles in hand. He set one in front of Five with a flourish, the label facing towards him. The boy let out a soft huff of laughter. Root beer. Maybe not a bad guy after all. 

“To siblings and their never-ending quest to irritate the hell out of us,” Greg said with a smile, tilting his beer towards Five.

“Hear hear,” the boy agreed, their bottles meeting with a soft clink as they toasted. Five took a sip of the root beer, enjoying the tang of it. It’d been a long time since he’d tasted one and found himself chugging down half the bottle in quick gulps. Greg’s eyebrows raised and he smiled wide.

“Whoa slow down buddy, they’re definitely gonna kick you out if you get wasted”, he said with a laugh. Five laughed lightly and turned back to watching the door, mostly tuning out Greg’s attempts at small talk. Then the man mentioned he was a grad student at the local university, studying Physics, and Five found himself excitedly engaging in conversation, happy to have someone to talk to who wasn’t a halfwit. 

Five wasn’t sure how much time had passed since Diego had entered the office, but it seemed to be hours now. Everything around him began to drag. The dancers moving in slow motion, the lights blaring in and out like a lighthouse now. His body felt strange, like it didn’t belong to him anymore. His head was full of cotton, muffling the sounds around him; the bass a soft thump somewhere in the distance. Five floated, vision swimming. It was like someone had scooped out his insides and filled him with smoke. Greg’s face swam into his sight, concern painting his features.

“Hey little dude, are you alright?” he asked, voice coming from the end of a tunnel. Five shook his head. Something was wrong. Had he been poisoned? Were there Commission agents here? A setup? He had to get to Diego. He slipped off the stool, attempting to stand but his balance was off, everything titling to the side. A warm hand wrapped around him.

“Whoa there buddy! You’re definitely not okay. Let’s go outside and get some air huh? Maybe you need to throw up”. The smallest Hargreeves felt himself being pulled along, a small boat tethered to a battleship, bobbing through the sea of people. There was a creak of metal and the rush of cool night air on his face, Five gasping in lungfuls. Greg was still pulling him along, arms securely around his middle as Five felt his feet begin to falter, dragging along the gravel. 

This wasn’t right. This felt wrong. The boy wracked his brain but his thoughts were sluggish, hard to process.

_He’d come here tonight with….Diego? Diego was in the bar. He had to talk to someone. Someone who knew about…? The gang…..the drugs….drugs….oh. He’d been drugged. But when?_

“It’s ok little guy, I got you. You’re gonna be just fine,” Greg’s voice cut through his thoughts from somewhere above him.

 _That’s right. Greg. Greg gave him a root beer. But when….? Oh. Diego…_ He’d looked away when Greg was at the bar, checking over on the door his brother had gone through. He hadn’t kept his eyes on the man with his drink. The drink a stranger had given him.

 _Fool,_ Five’s brain snarled. Well, the man had made a fatal mistake in choosing Five as his target for the night. Must have thought he’d hit the jackpot, a sweet little boy in a blazer, unaware he was choosing his doom in the form of a pint-sized assassin. 

Five clenched his fists, reaching for his power, prepared to take the man down in a matter of seconds. He waited for the familiar warmth in his palms, for the soft hum of power in his veins, the blue glow. 

Nothing happened. 

Five blinked slowly. 

Reached again. 

**Nothing.**

_It must be whatever he gave me….it’s muffling my powers….it’s not….i’m not working…._ Five felt a cold sweat break out, beading down his face as he panted. _Fuck_.

He began to wiggle in earnest, as much as his body could, trying to dislodge the man’s grip from around him.

“No no none of that,” Greg scolded softly, “You’re alright, here we are.” Five hadn’t been paying attention as he was dragged, his thoughts stuck inward as he struggled with the situation. He looked around slowly. They’d gone out the same back door he had followed Diego though; going down the alley and making a left into the derelict parking lot for an abandoned warehouse.

The bar was in a seedier part of town, with less regulations and cops checking up on things, so the area was mostly deserted. Only a few shady businesses operated around there, so the streets were empty and dark. A soft chirp sounded and the clunk of a car door opening came next, Five lolling his head to the side as Greg shuffled him around. It was a nondescript black sedan, basic, boring, just like it’s owner. The car was parked in a dark corner behind the warehouse, no street lights anywhere. Almost impossible to notice. 

Greg began to push him into the open backseat of the car, but Five resisted, squirming and flopping like a fish out of water.

“Stop. You’re fine. Get in”, Greg demanded, a hard edge seeping into his voice. But Five wouldn’t stop. He did not want to get into this car, not now, not with this man. Greg let out a sigh and turned Five toward him, leaning him against the car frame, fist raised. The hit wasn’t that hard but Five’s head flew back with the impact, knocking against the door frame, stars dancing into his vision, warmth flowing from his nose.

“I didn’t want to do that. You made me do that. Now behave”, Greg said, all traces of kindness gone from his voice. He manhandled the boy into the backseat, tossing him down like he was a sack of flour. The man climbed in, looming above him. The door shut with a click, the sound like a gunshot in silence. Five locked eyes with Greg. 

“Now listen,” he began, “I don’t want to hurt you. You seem like a nice kid. I like you. So please, don’t fight me.” He smiled down at the boy, wide, with teeth. Five shuddered involuntarily.

“I need you to play along here. We’re going to take care of each other. It’s gonna be good. You’re going to enjoy it. But I need you to cooperate. I want this to be good for you. But I can make it real _real_ bad if you don’t listen to me. Do you understand?” Five gaped at him, eyes wide.

 _This can’t be happening. I’m dreaming. I never left the house with Diego. I’m asleep._ Greg grabbed him by the collar, leaning in close.

“Do. You. Understand?”, he growled. The boy swallowed thick, giving the slightest nod. Greg smiled.

Five was on his back, the man above him, head pressed into his shoulder as he licked and nibbled at his throat. His mouth was hot, trailing everywhere, sucking deep bruises into his pale skin, marring him with bites. The boy squirmed again, thoughts spiraling. Greg sat up, pulling Five with him, slipping his blazer off before hoisting the sweater vest over his head. The man let go, Five flopping back onto the seat, bones like jelly.

Greg shed his flannel and leaned back down, a smile on his face as he began to loosen Five’s tie and pull it from around his neck. He reached under the boy, flipping him over onto his stomach, and pulled Five’s hands behind him. As he deftly bound Five’s hands together with practiced ease, a horrifying thought occurred to the young time-jumper.

 _He knows what he’s doing. He’s done this before._ After securely fastening his wrists, the man turned him back over, face-up, beginning to undo the buttons of Five’s shirt.

  
“Look at you. All wrapped up for me like a present” he said with an ugly smile. “I couldn’t believe my luck when I spotted you. Like a fuckin dream. Pretty little thing like you, all alone.”

 _But he wasn’t alone. He was there with Diego. But…..Diego didn’t know that. He thought Five was still waiting outside. He had to be done by now, right?_ It’d been at least 30 minutes since they’d entered the bar, it couldn’t take that long to get the information he needed. And then he’d come outside, see that Five wasn’t there, and come looking for him. He’d come find him. _He has to._

“Couldn’t believe I’d find you there. I usually have to pick some little twink, but they’re always too old….not right….too experienced” Greg continued, oblivious to Five’s train of thought. “But you….you’re perfect. Bright...young...untouched..” he whispered into Five’s ear, licking along his jaw. Five let out a huff of disgust. The man’s hands were shaking with excitement as they fussed with his shirt and after a few moments of struggling with the tiny eyelets, Greg grabbed the ends of his shirt and tore it open with a flourish. Five’s buttons popped off like confetti, exposing the boy's bare chest to the cold air.

“God...you’re so fuckin pretty. Look at your fuckin skin. No one’s ever marked you before, have they?” he said softly, with a sick reverence. 

“don’t touch me”, Five mumbled, tongue heavy in his mouth. Greg shushed him and dove down, wet mouth finding Five’s, pushing him into a bruising kiss. The boy wiggled but found no give, Greg’s hands holding firm, keeping his head still. 

**Hot breath.**

**Wet gasps.**

**Biting lips.**

A slimy tongue wormed its way into Five’s mouth and on instinct he bit. 

  
The slap rocked his head back, stinging pain blossoming across his face.

  
“What did I fuckin say?!? Don’t fucking fight me” the man growled, gripping Five’s jaw tight, staring him down.

“fuck you”, Five whispered, with all the rage he could still muster.

Greg laughed, an ugly sound.

“Oh I will, that’s a promise baby. Now shut up”. His head dove back down, tongue trailing across Five’s collarbone, down his sternum, slobbering all over his chest. It felt disgusting, like a wet eel worming its way over his body. A warm hand came up, fingers pinching a nipple hard, the tongue lapping against the other. Five let out a soft gasp, the sensation overwhelming.

The man chuckled. “See, I can make it good for you baby, just let go, let Daddy take care of you.”

The boy grimaced at the term, disgust welling up in him. He tried to squirm again, not caring if he was hit again, refusing to accept this treatment. But his body refused to work with him, the drugs flowing steadily in his veins. He felt like concrete and jello at the same time. Limbs heavy as stone, unmoving. His insides twisting and churning. He felt like he was turning inside out.

Five tried to drift away, to shut out what was being done to his body, thinking of his brother.

 _He has to come soon. He has to. He will. He’ll come. He has to. Soon._ The mantra played out in his head but he was torn sharply away by a bite to his chest. Five grunted in pain, eyes rolling down to take in the red ring of teeth imprinted in his flesh. Greg smiled at his work. The mouth returned to his throat, one hand slipping down to grip his hip while the other reached up to tangle in his hair. 

Five’s legs were spread around him, knees fallen to the sides, splayed open like a sacrifice. A hard mass rutted against him and a full-body shiver washed over him. Greg was moaning in his ear now, wet, desperate, panting breaths. It was revolting. The teeth continued leaving marks across his skin, Five felt like he was being eaten alive. 

This was happening. He couldn’t stop this. His powers had failed him. His body had failed him. Diego wasn’t coming. No one was coming. An icy sensation gripped at his heart, something obscure yet familiar. A feeling he hadn’t had since he first landed in the apocalypse at age 13. 

**Fear.**

All-encompassing fear.

Five distantly became aware he was crying. Hot, wet, rolling down his cheeks, the salt stinging his bitten lips.

“Aw shh shhhh, it’s ok baby. Daddy’s got you” Greg moaned into his skin, words cutting into his brain. “Daddy’s gonna make you feel so good. You’re gonna beg for it baby. Gonna beg so pretty for me”, he groaned, petting Five’s head softly.

The hands drifted downward, landing on Five’s belt buckle. His entire body stiffened, muscles locking, terror roaring through him like a flash fire.

“no”, he whispered desperately, voice wet with tears, “please don’t”.

Greg shushed him again.

Five tried one last time, balling his fists together, his arms numb underneath him,  
reaching,  
begging,  
pleading for that familiar hum of power.

**Nothing.**

The hands undid his belt, the silver buckle clanking.  
The button popped open, no resistance.  
The slide of the zipper, deafening in the silence of the car.

He could survive this, Five told himself. He had survived the apocalypse alone. He had traveled through time and space to stop that apocalypse. He’d saved his family. He’d saved the planet. He was the best damn agent the Commission had ever seen. Killed thousands. This was nothing. He could survive this.

Then the hands dipped below his waistband, scalding fingers reaching lower, burning across his skin, slipping behind him, reaching for the deepest part of him.

Five mustered everything he had left and screamed.

Greg crushed his mouth to the boys, swallowing the sound. A hand gripped his throat, silencing him with a garbled choke. Five gasped, desperate for air, mouth gaping like a fish knocked from its bowl. Black edged his vision.

The car door behind his head whipped open. Greg shot up, mouth tearing away from his and clearing his line of vision. Five tilted his head back slightly, eyes rolling up the leather-clad body standing behind him. Diego’s face was completely blank, eyes staring into nothing.

“Hey man”, Greg began in a soft voice, raising his hands in submission. “This isn’t what it looks like”.

Diego’s eyes snapped to Five’s, gazes locking together. “D..diego…”, the boy mumbled softly, “hel..help”.

Diego’s face twisted with rage and the next thing Five knew, the other door was opening, Greg dragged off onto the ground. A sharp cry of pain sounded from somewhere below him, but Five was too weak to lift his head.

“Please no please don’t hurt me please I’m sorry”, Greg was babbling, blubbering.

Diego was silent.

“He said he was 18, he was in the bar, he wanted to roleplay”, the man cried, tears coloring his voice. “He wanted it, he begged for it”.

A garbled scream tore from someone’s throat, an animalistic sound of despair and pain. A symphony of pain met Five’s ears; crunching bones, breathy gasps of terror, fabric ripping, shrieks of terror. The slick, wet sound of blood.

Then silence.

Footsteps came towards Five, announced by the crunching of gravel.

Diego’s face appeared by his feet, blood-streaked across his skin. His brother’s eyes were dark, hollow, jaw clenched.

“Five”, he murmured softly, like someone trying to soothe a scared animal. “It’s ok. It’s over. I’ve got you”, he continued, reaching in for Five. His hands were wary, gentle as they pulled him up to sit.

His brother looked him over, eyes narrowing as they cataloged every bruise, every bite, every mark on Five’s pale skin.

“What happened?”, Diego asked cautiously, bringing his eyes to meet Five’s.

“..drugged...couldn’t..no powers..” Five stumbled over the words, brain heavy and clouded.

Diego nodded, saying nothing as his hands reached behind Five, undoing the tie binding his wrists. The hands returned to the front, trying to button his brother’s shirt. _His hands are shaking_ , Five noticed distantly.

Having finished his haphazard buttoning, Diego’s hands reach down towards his brother’s shorts, but stop short of touching him. Hands hovering, Diego’s eyes meet his, silently questioning.

“..it’s..ok”, Five murmured. Diego quickly fastened his pants and belt and drew back out of the car. He reached in, taking his brother's arms and dragging Five from the car, pulling the smallest Hargreeves into his arms as the boy’s legs failed him.

“I’m s-s-sorry”, Diego’s voice cracked as he crushed Five into his chest. Tears were spilling down his brother's cheeks, harsh gasping sobs coming from the vigilante. “I’m s-s-so fucking s-s-sorry oh god oh Five I’m so sorry.”

Five feebly attempted to hug his brother back, limp hands fisting weakly into his shirt.

“..it’s o..okay,” he mumbled, “..i just wan..wanna go..home..” With that, the last bit of strength left him, deep inky black tugging at his mind. He began to crumple down, but Diego bent with him, hoisting his small frame up into his arms.

Eyes fluttering shut, Five was gone.


	2. Edge of the Knife

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Number Two was hoping for some action tonight, needed to blow off some steam. Diego gets what he wants, but at what cost?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((So originally this story was supposed to be a Oneshot and then it got too long so I split it into 3 chapters and then it just kinda...escaped from me.
> 
> So this chapter is the 1st chapter again but from Diego's POV. The story will progress forward in the next chapter!!))
> 
> TW: This chapter contains a scene of graphic violence and references to an attempted sexual assault. Know your limits and please be safe!!

Diego was hoping for some action tonight. 

Ever since the apocalypse had been averted by discovering what a real piece of shit their dad was (not that _he_ didn’t already know that) and by simply talking about _feelings_ with their sister, Diego had felt an itch beneath his skin. He’d been driven by the need to save the world, or at least to take revenge on Patch’s killer, but all that had been solved quite handily. He’d had so much energy invested in the situation and it still sat dormant under his skin. Without a planetary collapse to drive them, the Hargreeves family had fallen back into what could be considered normal lives. 

They’d all banded together to work with Vanya, helping their sister learn to control her powers, with moderate success. She still had bad days, where her emotions welled up a little strong, outside stressors becoming too much, but she would always turn to one of them for support. Working with music again had seemed to help, something to ground her and give her focus.

Diego was proud of her for getting involved at the youth center and had tagged along a few times when she’d invited him. He taught the kids basic self-defense moves, little things that could help them get out of sticky situations. He found himself drawn to the more withdrawn kids, the ones with standoffish personalities, finding a camaraderie with them. It was a point of pride when he managed to draw one out of their shell, get them involved with the other kids.

Klaus was sober and working at some hippy cafe Diego wouldn’t be caught dead in, but he was happy that his brother had found some stability in his life. He’d managed to conjure Ben for the rest of the family a few times, finally getting a hang of his powers. While Klaus was still practicing his control, they were able to see their lost brother for a few hours at a time on a regular basis.

Allison had managed to work things out on her end, getting joint custody of Claire. She now spent her time split between L.A. and the manor, favoring being with her family over her empty apartment. The Rumor was taking a break from her Hollywood career, instead taking roles at local independent theater companies. She’d tagged along with Vanya to the center sometimes as well, giving beginner acting classes.

Luther had quietly started going to a therapist, trying to work through the traumas of his childhood and his toxic relationship with their father. While he and Diego had always had a difficult relationship, stuck in an eternal competition of Number One vs Number Two, the brothers had put in more of an effort to get to know each other as people, mostly at the urging of their siblings.

The biggest wildcard had been Five, without an apocalypse to stop it seemed the eldest-youngest Hargreeves had been a little lost. He’d tried to withdraw some right after, but with the newly enforced “family bonding time” his siblings hadn’t let him fully retreat within himself. He’d maintained a watchful vigilance over the family after the doomsday date had passed, concerned the Commission would be seeking revenge for the averted apocalypse, but months had now passed without a peep and Five had begun to relax. The kid had taken to trying a bunch of activities, often coming home every week with some new project and a stack of books. 

Diego had resumed his nightly activities, going out on patrol and keeping watch over his city. With Eudora gone, he’d redoubled his efforts to rid the city of danger. His work mostly consisted of taking down petty criminals, stopping purse-snatchers and smash’n’grabs, but recently he’d gotten wind of something much bigger. It had started as a simple drug bust, finding a low-life prowling around Vanya’s youth center, pockets full of pills and powders. When pressed about his supplier, the creep had spilled the beans on a new player on the scene, someone looking to expand his reach and take control of the city. Diego had been pulling threads for a while and had recently come across a new lead, making plans to check in on an informant tonight hoping to further his investigation. 

Knives packed, he made his way to the door when Five popped out from around the corner, asking if he could tag along for the night. The vigilante recognized that look in the pint-sized assassin's eyes, the same hunger for violence, the need to expel emotions through fists. Diego had agreed, giving Five a rundown as he drove them to the nightclub, before parking a few streets over. He led his brother through a maze of alleyways and shadows before finding the side entrance, putting a hand out to stop Five from heading through the door. 

“Hey bud, I’m sorry, but I’m gonna need you to hang out here while I head inside”, he said with an apologetic grimace, knowing his brother wasn’t going to take kindly to his reasoning.

“It’s just….no offense….but it’s gonna raise waaaaay too many eyebrows if I head into a shady ass nightclub with a 13-year-old.”

Five gave him a glare, huffing as he crossed his arms, but to Diego’s surprise didn’t put up much of a fight and went to lean against the nearby wall. 

“If you’re not out in 30 minutes, I’m coming in after you, no fucking argument ok?” the boy stated, fixing Diego with an intense stare.

“You got it bro,” Diego agreed, a small smirk decorating his face.

“Be careful idiot,” Five called softly as the leather-clad man opened the side door, multicolor lights washing over him and a banging bass assaulting his ears.

Diego made his way across the club, weaving through the sea of bodies to the manager's office on the far side of the room. Carlton had been a source of information for the vigilante for years, forming somewhat of a friendship with the man after he’d helped him with some mafioso wannabes threatening his first business.

Stopping outside the office door, Diego addressed the two guards standing there.

“Hey Tony, what’s up?” he said with a smile. The bigger of the two men, Tony, relaxed slightly and returned the smile.

“Diego man, how’s it hanging? Been a damn minute since I seen you.” 

“Ah you know me, out here saving the world,” the man said with a wink. The guard let out a chuckle and then turned back towards the door marked _Private_ , knocking twice before poking his head inside.

“Hey boss, Diego’s here” he called into the room, pausing a moment to listen for the reply before stepping back and holding open the door. Diego passed him with a fist bump and headed into the office.

Time had seemed to fly by as Diego chatted with his old friend, but it had been a productive meeting. New guys trying to establish a territory were always a threat for the other members of the cities underbelly so Carlton had been more than happy to share what he knew. While not the most upstanding member of society, the bar owner’s crimes mostly consisted of under the table alcohol sales, employment of undocumented citizens, and not exactly keeping up with proper permits, so Diego had no reason to mistrust the info provided to him.

After catching up and getting a lead on a location the new group was operating, Diego’s eyes drifted to the clock on the wall, raising his eyebrows when he saw nearly 40 minutes had passed by already. Remembering Five’s warning to come busting in the joint, he said his goodbyes and headed back out into the club. The bass was still thumping, lights still blinding, and the bodies around him moving with wild abandon. 

As Diego made his way past the bar, he debated grabbing a beer for himself and Five, to celebrate his lead and make amends for leaving the smaller Hargreeves outside in the dirty alley. While he was making up his mind, the conversation of two girls passing by caught his attention.

“God who even brings a kid to a bar like what the fuck?”

“I know! Like that’s so irresponsible.”

“I hope he’s ok though, he looked ready to puke.”

“Well he was tiny, who would even give him a beer like it’s def gonna fuck him up.”

_A kid? Shit are they talking about Five?_ Diego thought, confusion and concern racing through his mind. Diego stepped out into their footpath, hands held up to show he wasn’t a threat.

“Sorry to bother you ladies but did you say something about a kid in the bar?” he said, worry coloring his voice. The girls eyed him appraisingly, and after a beat one of them addressed him.

“Are you a bouncer?” she asked, slight suspicion in her tone.

“Yes ma'am,” Diego lied with an easy smile.

“You said something about a child in the bar, that is definitely a concern that needs to be addressed.” Satisfied with his answer, the girl continued.

“Yeah there was a little boy here, maybe like 12,” she turned to confer with her friend, who nodded. “We passed him on his way out, he was like super sick. Really pale and sweaty. His brother said he was sick and was taking him home. I guess he like snuck in or something?” 

“His brother?” Diego asked sharply.

The girls looked uneasy. “Well that’s what he said. The kid was clinging onto him, looked like he was gonna puke.”

Diego continued his questioning. “What was he wearing?” 

The other girl spoke up this time, looking increasingly concerned. “He was wearing a school uniform, like a vest and the little kneesocks.”

_Fuck. Definitely Five._

“Which door?” Diego demanded, quickly looking around the room. The women gestured towards the side door the vigilante had entered through earlier that night. He thanked the girls for the information and stormed towards the door, fists clenched.

He busted out into the night air, eyes sweeping the empty alley.

“Five? FIVE?” Diego bellowed into the dark. His stomach clenched in unease as he thought about what the women had said. Five had been sick, maybe poisoned, and some stranger pretending to be his brother had taken him out into the night, to god knows where.

_Probably the fucking Commission FUCK,_ Diego cursed in his head. They’d gotten sloppy over the past few months, lulled into a false sense of security and now Five was in danger. He should never have let the kid tag along, shouldn’t have left him alone outside, should have known he would have followed him.

“Stubborn little bastard” Diego growled to himself. 

He continued scanning the area, noticing some disturbances in the gravel and walking forward for a closer look. His heart sank as he studied the ground, the tracks indicating something had been dragged. The leather-clad man made his way in the direction of the tracks, realizing they were leading to the block of abandoned warehouses around back. He moved quickly and silently, hoping to maintain the element of surprise whenever he caught up to whoever had snatched his brother.

_Please god don’t let me be too late_ , he prayed as he slipped through the shadows. He knew Five was the deadliest among them, but it hadn’t sounded like he’d been in the best condition, he might need help.

Stopping at the corner, Diego peered around, scanning the buildings to decide which to check first. The air was silent as the man listened for any sounds that would give away his brother's location.

_If he was still here..._ the thought stuck the second Hargreeves with cold dread. If it _was_ the Commission, then they’d likely jumped to a new location as soon as they got outside and Five would be gone and out of reach. Shaking his head to clear that train of thought, Diego eyeballed one of the warehouse doors that looked recently broken, deciding to check there first.

The man was halfway across the lot when a shrill, desperate scream rang out from nearby. Diego spun on his heels towards the sound, eyes flying across the abandoned lot landing on a black sedan hidden in the shadows, barely within view. With how well it was hidden, he hadn’t seen it when he’d first entered the area. Heart pounding in his chest, Diego sprinted across the lot towards the car, hands finding a knife. Reaching the vehicle and noting movement through the rear window, Number Two wrenched open the backseat door and…...

The man in front of him jerked up, eyes wide, lips red and wet. Below him lay Five, shirt torn open, bruises across his chest, face wet with tears and blood. The man had a hand around Five’s throat and another shoved down his open shorts. Time stopped. 

“Hey man”, the guy began in a soft voice, raising his hands in submission. “This isn’t what it looks like.”

Diego’s eyes snapped to Five’s, gazes locking together. “D..diego…”, the boy mumbled softly, “hel..help”.

White-hot burned through Diego, face twisting with rage. He flew around to the other side of the car, whipping open the door and dragging the stranger off his brother, throwing him roughly to the ground. 

“Please no please don’t hurt me please I’m sorry”, the man was blubbering like a baby.

Diego was silent.

“He said he was 18, he was in the bar, he wanted to roleplay”, the man cried, tears coloring his voice. “He wanted it, he begged for it”.

Diego raised his foot and brought it down roughly, steel-toed boots meeting flesh as he stomped directly between the man’s legs. A garbled scream tore from his throat and Diego repeated the motion with force, stomping, crushing, watching the blood begin to seep through the man’s khakis. Satisfied that whatever was down there had been fully destroyed, Diego moved on to the rest of the man. Remembering the blood on Five’s face, he threw a sharp punch, shattering the creep’s nose in one blow.

The pathetic pervert was howling in agony, a symphony to Diego’s ears. Pushing the man to the ground, Diego sat on his chest, crushing the air from his victim's lungs as he tore apart his t-shirt. Knife gripped tightly, Diego began to carve into the flesh below him. The creature underneath him shrieked at every new letter and Diego felt a sadistic smile alight his face. It was like he’d been taken over by something otherworldly, spurred on by the thought of this thing laying hands on his brother, _hurting_ **_his_ ** _brother._ He worked slowly, making sure the cuts were deep.

His hands were slick with dark blood, some occasionally spurting up, hot and wet on his face. After the last stroke, the vigilante leaned back, admiring his work. 

Scraggly letters carved deep into the flesh, blooming with blood.

_P-E-D-O-P-H-I-L-E_

If anyone ever found the body, Diego wanted there to be no doubt that the man deserved his fate. The thing beneath him had dissolved into a quivering mess, weak whimpers and harsh gasps slipping out of it. Diego drew himself back up to his feet, looking at the lump of flesh below him. After surveying his handiwork, Number Two withdrew another knife from his collection, this one ridged with sharp, jagged points. Meant to rip and tear flesh, not cut cleanly. Leaning forward Diego stabbed deep into the abdomen, dragging the blade with some difficulty across the torso. It was a short cut, but very effective.

The blade had pierced into the soft tissue of the stomach and opened a path to several other organs. This ensured a slow, agonizing death for the thing at his feet. Normally he would have simply made a clean cut to the throat, or even strung the guy up and dropped him at the station.

But this was _Five._ Satisfied, Diego stood, letting out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. He steeled himself as he turned to the car, preparing to face his brother. 

He’d gotten a glimpse when he first came across the scene, but nothing in his life could have prepared Diego for what he came to face. Five was sprawled along the backseat, shirt torn open, hands behind his back, pants undone. 

“Five”, he murmured softly, trying to be soothing. “It’s ok. It’s over. I’ve got you”, he continued, reaching in for Five. His hands were wary, afraid to touch. He tried to be gentle as he pulled the boy up to sit.

Diego looked him over, eyes narrowing as took in the kaleidoscope of bruising marring Five’s pale skin.

_Jesus fuck are those BITE marks?!? How the fuck did this happen??_ , his mind screamed.

“What happened?”, Diego asked cautiously, bringing his eyes to meet Five’s.

“..drugged...couldn’t...no powers..” his brother stumbled over the words, speech slurred. Diego took note of his blown-out pupils, eyes unable to focus. 

Diego nodded, saying nothing as his hands reached behind Five, finding the tie binding his wrists. His hands returned to the front, starting to button his small brother’s shirt. Most of the buttons were gone, scattered along the floor of the car, so he did what he could. It took him a moment to realize why he was struggling with the task, as his hands were beginning to tremble.

Having finished his haphazard buttoning, Diego starts to reach down towards his brother’s shorts, but stops short of touching him. He’d learned about this kind of thing in his police academy training, how to deal with a victim after an assault. One of the most important things was to get consent before touching, without it you could further a victim's trauma.

Diego’s mind froze as he processed his own train of thought.

**_Assault._ **

**_Victim._ **

**_Five._ **

Hands hovering, Diego’s eyes meet the small Hargreeves, silently questioning. “..it’s..ok”, Five murmured.

As quickly as he could, Diego fastened Five’s pants and belt and drew back out of the car.

He reached in, taking Five by the arms and dragging him from the vehicle, pulling his brother into his arms as the boy’s legs failed him.

“I’m s-s-sorry”, Diego stuttered as he crushed Five into his chest. Hot tears began spilling down his cheeks, harsh gasping sobs reverberating deep in his chest. “I’m s-s-so fucking s-s-sorry oh god oh Five I’m so sorry.”

Diego felt Five feebly attempting to hug him back, tiny hands twisting weakly into his shirt.

“..it’s o..okay,” the smaller boy mumbled, “..i just wan..wanna go..home..”

Once the words were out of his mouth, Five began to crumple down, but Diego bent with him, hoisting his small frame up into his arms. Diego watched his brother's eyes flutter shut, and then Five was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((Oh my gosh THANK YOU so much for all your kind responses to this story!! It's my very first fanfic and I was extremely nervous to post it but the reaction has been overwhelming :)
> 
> As I stated above, this story was originally a Oneshot that ran away from me a bit and expanded into 3 chapters....and then it ran away a little more and became like 5 chapters....and THEN it just fucking went to space so now I have like 10 chapters planned out XD
> 
> I have about 5 I'm editing now so I should be releasing at least once a week!! Please enjoy!!)


	3. The Kids Aren't Alright

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Diego takes Five home
> 
> There's never a quiet night in the Hargreeves household

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((This chapter takes place in the Hargreeves home, where there's a few changes consistent with my AU. Grace is alive and fully functioning, bless her. Pogo isn't here because honestly, I forgot I didn't kill him oops so he's just....um....he left let's just go with that lol. He's gonna travel, deal with his own issues.
> 
> This was my first time writing the rest of the family so I hope they're not too out-of-character))
> 
> TW: This chapter contains discussions of non-consensual drug use and attempted sexual assault. Know your limits and be safe!!

After Five had fainted in his arms, Diego had carried his small brother back to their car, weaving through the shadows of the back alleys. He’d placed him in the car and quickly returned to the crime scene, gathering Five’s vest and blazer before stashing the creep’s body in the trunk of his own car, planning on coming back to dispose of the evidence later. The vigilante had a few places in mind to dump the body, maybe off the docks where he’d thrown dad’s monocle. It’d be a fitting resting place for the piece of shit, right there with the other traumas of their past. But right now his focus needed to be on his brother.

Five had been so out of it, Diego wondered if he’d really been able to grasp the situation; if he truly understood the danger of what almost happened to him. The vigilante strongly hoped he didn’t, that he hadn’t been lucid enough to feel too much terror. But he’d seen the tears on his face, the way he’d gripped at him as Diego held him, the desperation in his voice as he begged his brother for help. Diego grimaced as he thought about the past hour, how he’d been chatting up an old friend while his brother had been attacked and nearly….

_Fuck._

_Jesus fuck._

He couldn’t even think the words to describe the situation he’d found Five in. 

_I shouldn’t have let him come with me._

_I should have just left him out in the car._

_I shouldn’t have taken so long._

_If I’d been any later…_

Diego shuddered, mind wandering to what might have happened if he’d taken any more time in the bar, if he hadn’t heard those girls talking, if he’d found Five just a few minutes too late. He shook his head, trying to clear the thoughts as he focused back on the road. His priority now was getting his brother home and taken care of, he could wallow in his own failures and misery later. Speeding down the dark streets, Number Two glanced up at the rearview mirror to look at Five’s limp form lying across the seat. His breathing was soft, but even, and Diego let himself relax slightly.

“You’re gonna be ok”, he whispered softly to the empty air. All he had to do was get home, let Five sleep off the drugs, and then….well they’d cross that bridge when they came to it.

Pulling up to the back entrance, Diego took a moment to steel himself. He wasn’t sure what to tell his siblings once he got in the house; Five definitely wasn’t going to want him to tell the others what had transpired but it was something they’d have to deal with eventually. It was obvious something had happened to the boy: his face was bloody, his throat dark with bruises, wrists rubbed raw.

With a sigh Diego turned the car off and got out, opening the back door to look down on his brother. He carefully wrestled Five into his vest and blazer, trying to fix his appearance the best he could, wishing to avoid at least some suspicions. He scooped the smallest Hargreeves up into his arms as gently as possible and headed in through the back kitchen door, hoping he could get Five settled before he ran into any of his siblings.

Luck was not on his side.

“Oh my god!! What happened??” Allison cried, jumping up from her spot at the table, knocking over the wine glass she’d been holding.

Luther straightened quickly from where he’d been leaning against the wall, alarm blooming across his face. Klaus hopped down from the counter he’d been perched on, following Allison as she came towards them. Subconsciously Diego tightened his grip on Five, pulling him closer into his chest. 

“Uh-h-h...um...we ran into some trouble” Diego struggled to explain, mind reeling. “Five’s….uh...he’s..ok...just uh..unconscious.” 

“God he’s a mess,” Allison murmured, motherly concern overtaking her as she reached out, smoothing Five’s bangs across his face.

“I need to get him downstairs, can someone grab Mom please?” Diego tried to say casually, but urgency crept into his voice unbidden. Luther’s gaze sharpened on him, searching his face for the cause.

“On it,” Klaus said without any of his usual flamboyance, quickly walking out to locate their caregiver.

The others followed Diego as he made his way through the house towards the stairs, heading down to the medical room in the basement. Once inside Luther helped his brother settle Five on the bed, holding him up while Diego removed his blazer.

Allison began rooting through a cabinet, retrieving a bowl and a washcloth before heading to the sink. After filling it she came to the bedside, dipping the cloth in warm water before gently cleaning Five’s face.

“Careful with his nose,” Diego said softly, “I don’t know if it’s broken or not.” Allison nodded, and softly wiped around the area, careful not to touch the deep bruising.

“What happened?” Luther demanded, looming over Allison’s shoulder to look at their brother. “Was it the Commission?”

Diego opened his mouth to try and reply but was saved by Klaus’s arrival, Mom trailing behind him.

“Oh dear!” Grace said softly, “What on earth happened to you?” Her hands reached for Diego, but he shook them off pointing to Five.

“I’m fine Mom, it’s not my blood. Help Five. I think he needs an IV or something.”

Grace tutted slightly but quickly turned her attention to the small Hargreeves, reaching a hand to his neck, checking his pulse.

“Hmmm it’s a little slower than it should be. How long has he been out?” she asked, slipping into her nurse mode.

“I don’t know, maybe about 20 minutes,” Diego said with uncertainty.

“Was he hit in the head? Is there a possibility of a concussion?” she continued, retrieving the medkit from the cabinet. 

“Uh...no,” Diego said, discomfort coloring his features. “It’s….he’s….uh...some kind of drugs, I don’t know what.”

His siblings looked at him in surprise, a small gasp escaping Allison. Klaus let out a light chuckle as he eyed Five, a smirk growing on his face.

“Well now, didn’t know Fivey had it in him. Bye vodka, we’re playing with the big boys now! What was it? Coke? Heroin? Assorted pills?”

“I...uh...I don’t know...something he drank..” Diego admitted with a grimace. He really had no idea what was coursing through his brother's veins. The grin fell off Klaus’s face and he turned to study Five again.

“Something he drank?? What does that mean?” Allison questioned, staring Diego down. The leather-clad man let out a weary sigh.

“I was following up on a lead on a case I’m working. My informant owns a bar downtown. Five tagged along tonight.” Diego sighed, dreading admitting the next part. “I told him to wait outside while I went in to question the guy. When I came out….” He paused, wracking his brain for a way to phrase what had happened without revealing the whole truth. “He wasn’t there.”

“And then??” Luther questioned, eyebrows high.

“Uh..there was...uh...a guy...and we fought him and now we’re here ok,” Diego said quickly, avoiding eye contact with his siblings.

“What??” Luther spluttered “What guy?? Was he with the Commission? Someone from your case?” Diego shook his head but said nothing.

“Diego,” Allison said sharply, her eyes narrowed on him. “There’s something you’re not telling us.” The vigilante grimaced, mouth opening but nothing coming out.

“What the hell?” Klaus’s surprised voice cut through the tense silence, drawing the sibling's attention. “His neck,” Klaus elaborated, motioning to Five. “It looks like someone strangled him but….” his voice trailed off faintly.

“But what?” Luther demanded. Klaus’s eyes searched out Diegos.

“It looks like….someone bit him.” 

“What the fuck?” Allison said, moving closer as Luther leaned in as well. 

Mom had already removed Five’s sweater vest while checking his vitals and had begun to undo the top buttons of his shirt, allowing Klaus to see the marks on his neck.

Diego paled. “Hey we should go,” he said desperately, reaching for the others to pull them towards the door. “Mom needs space to work, we don’t want to get in her way ok? Let Five have some privacy, he needs rest.”

But it was too late, and Diego could only watch in horror as Grace undid the last button and pulled open the white fabric.

“Oh my...” she said softly. A sharp cry flew out of Allison, Luther and Klaus both gasping in shock. The 2nd Hargreeves turned slowly, dread pooling in his stomach. He’d seen Five’s torso in the dim light of the car, but nothing could have prepared him for the sight he saw now. The dark bruises and red bites stood out in stark contrast across Five’s pale skin, the harsh bright medical lights amplifying the wounds. His small torso was littered with them, from his neck to mid-chest, the worst around his left pectoral. It was a deep bite surrounding the nipple, a ring of teeth imprinted into the flesh, darkly clotted blood in each indent.

Diego’s eyes cataloged every wound anew and felt his breath catch at the sight of another bruise he hadn’t seen in the dim lighting. Just peeking over Five’s shorts was a handprint, fingers splayed across the boy’s narrow hip. The grip had clearly been hard, crushing. Diego let out a harsh choke as his eyes studied the full damage his brother’s attacker had inflicted and he felt a pulse of hot rage course through him. He wanted to kill that motherfucker all over again. 

“Diego,” Luther growled. “What the fuck happened?”

“No more lies Diego,” Allison said with tears in her eyes.

Klaus was silent, but his eyes were sharp with anger.

Diego sighed.

“I-I-I wasn’t….I wasn’t there. I left him outside to go meet my informant. I guess he..followed me in. I should have known,” the vigilante said with a sigh. “I wasn’t gone that long, maybe 30-40 minutes tops but….when I was heading for the door I heard these girls talking about some kid that had been in the bar. I knew it had to be Five, who else would bring a kid in a bar y’know?” Diego breathed in. “They said...he seemed sick, the kid. Like he was drunk or something. Said his brother had helped him outside.”

Diego paced as he spoke, unable to stay still. His siblings said nothing, eyes following as he moved.

“I thought it must be Commission agents or something. It’s been quiet too long, maybe they were making a move. I went out, started looking around, I didn’t know if he’d still be there. If it was Commission they would have had a briefcase. I was just wandering around, trying to find clues.”

Diego stopped, back to his siblings.

“And then I-I heard….I heard him scream.” 

Diego ran his hands over his face, trying to work up the courage for the next part. “We were out in Old Town, y’know, with all the old warehouses and shit. There was a car I didn’t see at first, black sedan in the shadows. I ran over and…..” His voice trailed off, tears beginning to dampen his face again.

“It wasn’t a Commission agent or anything. J-j-ust….it was just some guy from the bar. He w-w-was all over him. Had his shirt torn open, his hands tied up, had h-h-his...had his hands in his shorts,” Diego choked out. He couldn’t face his siblings but he heard them, gasps and cries of horror and revulsion.

“He was so fucked up….he couldn’t move….he was...he was f-fucking crying and he asked me for help and fuck….oh f-f-f-fuck…” Diego sobbed, chest heaving. “I-I shouldn’t have let him come with me I shouldn’t have left him alone this is m-m-my fault I should’ve protected h-him,” he was babbling now, face in his hands. 

A soft hand touched his shoulder, startling Diego. He whirled around to find Allison standing there, tears staining her face.

“It’s not your fault Diego. You didn’t do this to him.” She said softly, arms reaching out to envelope him in a hug.

Klaus stepped forward as well, wrapping an arm around his taller brother’s shoulder. “Yeah man, it’s ok. You got there in time right?” Diego shuddered at the kind touch.

“You weren’t there….it was so fucking awful….I a-almost...almost didn’t make it. If I’d been any later he w-w-would’ve….” The 2nd Hargreeves trailed off, unable to say the words. He felt his siblings flinch at the implication.

“What happened to the guy?” Luther asked in a low growl, anger laced through each word. Allison and Klaus let go, looking up at Diego for information.

“I dragged him off, crushed his dick bloody, and carved him up like a goddamn Thanksgiving turkey. Cut through his stomach so he could die slow. He’s in the trunk of his car back in the parking lot.”

Luther held his gaze and nodded in approval. “Good. I’ll help you get rid of the body when you’re ready.”

“Ahem,” came Grace’s soft voice from next to the bed where she’d been administering first aid. “Except for a few lacerations and the trauma to the throat, your brother appears to be fine physically. However, his blood pressure is concerningly low and his heart rate is much slower than it should be. I’ll test his blood to find out exactly what he was given, but it’ll likely wear off with rest and fluids. I’ll set up an IV to flush it out quicker. Now if you’ll please excuse me, I’m going to check the rest of his body. You can all wait outside.” Grace spoke gently, gesturing to the door. Understanding what Grace meant to check for, the siblings awkwardly filed out of the medical bay, heading back upstairs to the living room. 

Klaus wandered off while the others silently sat down, Diego hovering around, not wanting to get blood on any of the cushions. The silence was oppressive, each of three Hargreeves catching each other's eyes and looking away, unsure of what to say. Just as Luther cleared his throat, probably to say something “leaderly” to rally them, Klaus strolled back into the room, the wine bottle from downstairs clasped in his hand. Wordlessly he headed to Diego and passed it over. After taking several large gulps, he passed it back and Klaus headed to Allison, who took it gratefully. She passed it over to Luther after a moment, who chugged the rest of the bottle.

“So…” Klaus began, catching his siblings' attention. “This is a seriously shitty situation. I know we’re all fucked up about it. But we need to get our shit together before Five wakes up because he is going to need us.” He nodded off to the side, glancing at the empty air. _Ben_. “I know, I know we don’t know how he’s gonna react. But us falling all to pieces isn’t gonna help him.” Klaus turned to Diego, fixing him with sharp eyes. “How lucid was he when you found him? Was he able to talk?” 

“He was mumbling, barely said more than a few words, but he made sense. Eyes were drooping, he couldn’t focus on me it seemed.” Diego was a little taken aback by how serious Klaus had grown, but did his best to answer his questions.

“How were his motor skills?” the Seance continued.

“He couldn’t move at all from what I could see. I think he fought at first, when he realized something was wrong. His nose was bloody, creep must’ve punched him.” Diego paused, gathering his thoughts. “The guy had tied his hands behind him with his own tie, had him by the throat when I got there. Tried to stop him screaming.” Diego said with a shudder. Luther’s eyes darkened as he listened, fists clenched. Diego continued, “He couldn’t stand on his own when I got him out, just sunk down and then he fainted pretty soon after. I carried him back to the car.”

Klaus looked deep in thought for a moment before speaking again. “Unfortunately it sounds like he was aware of the situation, of what was happening to him. That’s going to make things more difficult. Most victims of this kind of trauma, especially males, have pretty extreme reactions. He’s going to try and shut us out, act like nothing happened. It’s probably gonna get ugly.”

Klaus looked up to see the others staring at him blankly. “I read a few psychology books during rehab,” he said with a shrug. He turned to look sharply to his left, face paling as he listened to their unseen brother. Klaus let out a deep sigh, turning back to the others to relay Ben’s message. “I didn’t even think about it, Ben just reminded me. This is really gonna set him back on the whole _touching_ thing. Probably won’t let us within 10 ft of him for a while.”

Allison stood suddenly, face slightly pale. “I’m going to call Vanya, she needs to be here too,” she announced as she strode from the room.

“Why didn’t he use his powers?” Luther wondered, brow furrowed in thought.

“I think he tried to, but he couldn’t. Whatever he’s on was blocking them I guess,” Diego answered. Luther’s gaze grew darker, Klaus frowning deeply as well.

Five’s powers were like an extension of his body, coming naturally to him like Luther's strength. He used them constantly, flitting across the house in the blink of an eye. The thought of him being unable to use them filled the others with despair. The brothers sat in silence for a moment, carefully looking at each other.

“I doubt he’s going to wake up anytime soon,” Luther began. “Do you want to get cleaned up and then take care of the body?”

Diego shook his head. “We can go now, I’m just gonna burn these clothes later.”

It didn’t take them long to finish the job, the guy had expired slowly in the trunk, bleeding out in agony. Luther had nearly vomited when he saw the damage Diego had done but shook it off quickly. They’d driven the car to the pier and dumped it straight in, Luther tipping it off like it weighed nothing. The brothers returned home in silence and met with the others in the living room. Klaus and their sisters were curled together on the couch, eyes red, with another empty wine bottle on the table. Diego nodded at Vanya, who gave him a weak smile but asked no questions, clearly having been apprised of the situation by the others. Before anyone could say anything Mom appeared on the landing, heading towards the family. Everyone tensed as she approached with that ever-present smile.

“How is he?” Luther asked gruffly, voice thick.

“Well he’s resting now and I’ve got him on fluids, should clear him right out,” she said brightly. “His blood test detected large amounts of both Rohypnol and GHB. Both were at concerning levels given his size, any more than that could have been fatal,” Grace said with a frown. Vanya and Allison both gasped as Diego felt his heart clench.

“What about his injuries?” Klaus asked softly after staring at the empty space to his left for a moment.

“There was bruising around his larynx consistent with strangulation, along with a few deep lacerations from several bites. His nose was not broken and he did not suffer any head wounds,” Grace informed them.

She paused briefly, eyes searching Diego’s face. Her next words came softly, knowingly. “There was no damage below his waistline, merely some bruising on his hips.” The tension in the room visibly dropped, Luther sinking down into an armchair while the others folded into each other. Diego felt like he could breathe for the first time since everything began. 

Mom said her goodbyes and returned towards the med bay to wait with Five until he awakened. Diego excused himself and headed to the bathroom upstairs, turning the shower to scalding. He flung his bloody clothes across the room, fabric tainted from the night's horrors. The vigilante scrubbed until his skin was raw, desperate to remove any trace of what had happened. He could almost pretend the heat pouring down his face came only from the showerhead, ignoring the tang of salt.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((Once again THANK YOU so so much for all the kind words and support!! It really fills me with joy every time I see a new comment! I promise I'll start replying to everyone soon <3
> 
> So far I have about 3 more chapters in the final editing stage and partially written segments for at least 4 more. I'm hoping to release new chapters every Monday and Thursday :)
> 
> I'm also currently working on another story with a MUCH lighter tone, hopefully I will balance out all the pain I'm dealing out in this one lol))


	4. Give 'Em Hell Kid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five wakes up.
> 
> It's a complete shitshow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (( Welcome back!! All aboard the angst train!!
> 
> Happy birthday to our beloved Hargreeves family today!! Sorry y'all this is definitely the worst present I could have given you :/ ))

Darkness.

His head was pounding.

His mouth full of sand.

His eyes glued together.

Heavy.

Consciousness came slowly to Five, like climbing from a deep pit of tar, sticky, still clinging to him. 

_What’s happening? What’s wrong with my body?_

His mind was reaching out, softly prodding at his own thoughts, searching. He was lying down, body heavy, head full of cotton and pain.

His fingers twitched, fists clenching. Face twisting into a grimace, an attempt to open his eyes.

Then suddenly there were hands on him. The touch was searing on his cold skin. Large hands. A man’s hands.

The memories flooded into his brain with a shot, a shock to his synapses. His eyes flew open taking in a dark shape looming over him.

“NO!” the boy screamed, fists flying in defense. 

Strong hands grasped at him, trying to hold his arms. Ripping one free, he clawed at the figure above him, raking his nails into soft tissue. Still screaming.

Distantly he heard a grunt of pain, a softly uttered curse.

The hands caught his wrists, pinning him down. He thrashed, shrieking like a banshee. “NO NO NO OFF GET OFF ME I’LL KILL YOU!!!”. The words tore through his throat, burning.

A scuffle, voices shouting.

“LUTHER LET GO!”

“You’re scaring him!!”

“STOP!”

“He’s gonna hurt himself if I do!”

“LET HIM GO!”

The voices are familiar, something tugging at his brain, cold water seeping into his burning panic.

The hands disappear from his skin.

His eyes finally focus.

Allison hovers near him, hands stretched out but not touching. There are tear tracks down her face, trailing from her red eyes, mascara smudged. 

Luther stands nearby, brow furrowed, three angry red scratches across his cheek. 

Diego stands next to him, hands around Luther's arms, staring at Five with wide eyes.

Five catches movement in his peripheral, head twisting to the side.

Klaus is curled into a chair next to the bed, eyes bewildered.

Vanya stands next to him, hands out like Allison, unsure if she should make contact. 

Five’s heart is pounding in his chest, breaths short and frantic, desperate to escape his failing lungs. A wave of dizziness overtakes him and he sinks back into the pillows behind him, unable to keep his head up. He stares up at the harsh lights and white tiles above him. _The medical bay_ , his brain supplies. 

“Five?” comes Allison’s soft voice. He tilts his head in her direction, catches her eyes. Pity. Sorrow. 

The softness in her voice. The devastation in her eyes. They must know. Diego had to have told them. How weak he had been. How stupid. His shame.

“Five?” Vanya tries next, reaching out a small hand, softly touching his arm. Her hands are tiny, nothing like ….. _those_ hands.

He flinches violently at the contact, and Vanya jerks away as if burned. A soft noise of pain escapes her. 

“I’m sorry,” she says, tears coloring her voice. 

_It’s just Vanya. Your sister. It’s not him._ Five’s brain tries to remind him.

“sorry” he whispers, voice cracked from the abuse to his throat. He almost questions it, then remembers the thick hands wrapped around his windpipe, choking the life out of him. His hand softly touches the bruised skin, a small whimper escaping. 

“Hey hey it’s okay,” Allison says from beside him. “You’re alright now, you’re home, you’re safe.”

The room is uncomfortably quiet and still, like a gathering of gazelle’s who’ve just realized there’s a predator in their midst, tightly coiled and ready to spring.

_Might as well rip the fucking bandaid off_. Five takes a deep breath, steeling himself.

“Let’s get this over with,” he starts, voice still rough. “I’m gonna ask some questions, you’re going to answer them, and then we’re gonna be done with this.” Someone huffs, about to challenge him. It’s probably Luther, but he’s silenced.

“Okay,” Allison says. “Whatever you want Five.”

“What did I take?” he questions.

“Rohypnol and GHB,” Klaus answers, surprisingly serious. “The dose was high, almost killed you.”

Five nodded, it made sense that his powers had failed under the influence of such a strong dose of depressants. “How long have I been out?”

“About 16 hours,” Vanya said softly. She’d moved back slightly after he’d freaked out on her, but stayed within reach.

Five grimaced at the length of time, he hated being incapacitated in any way, hated being left vulnerable. Sleep had been difficult in the apocalypse. No matter how tired his body was, his mind only seemed to sleep in short increments. He slept light, ears attuned to every little sound.

The nightmares hadn’t helped either. The dead faces of his siblings, crying out for help.

_You are vulnerable. That’s how they see you now. Pathetic little baby,_ his mind hissed at him. 

Five shook his head, trying to clear the thoughts.

“What happened to…” his voice trailed off, the face swimming into his thoughts. The smile. The laugh. His _hands_. His _mouth_. 

_On_ him, _burning_ him, _marking_ him.

“Five!” Allison said sharply and his eyes snapped up. He became aware of his pounding heart, harsh gasping breaths. The panic flooding into him. 

Her hands hovered towards him again, alarm in her eyes. “I’m fine!” Five snapped, harsher than he’d meant to be. His sister stepped back, face falling slightly.

He tried again. “What happened to the guy?” 

A moment of silence, his siblings turning to look at the back of the room. “I killed him,” Diego said gruffly.

Five’s eyes met his brothers, noting dark bruises circling the rims, the lack of sleep evident on his face. Diego looks away.

“The body?” he continued.

“Dumped it in the river,” Luther answered.

“Did he suffer?” Five asked, unsure if he wanted the answer.

“Yes,” the knife-wielder growled.

Five nodded, turning away to look down at his hands. He took note of the IV feeding into his veins, the ring of dark bruises around his wrists. Overall he felt okay, energy drained and a little groggy, but no real physical pain. His throat was sore and he could feel a slight stinging on his chest. Five lifted his hand to the spot, feeling the padding of gauze under his shirt.

**Hot breath. Wet mouth. Sharp teeth.**

A violent shudder overtook Five at the memory, a sharp gasp escaping from his lungs.

It’s getting harder for him to keep it together, the memories keep flooding in. The ghostly touches still on his body. The memory of someone else's lips crushing his. He needs to be alone before he cracks completely. 

“get out,” he says softly, addressing the room. 

“What?” Luther questions, as if he couldn’t comprehend the words. 

“Get out,” Five repeats with more authority.

“Five,” Vanya starts softly. “It’s ok. We just want to help you.”

“I don’t need help. I’m fine”, he argues, eyes meeting hers with a challenge, daring her to keep going. 

“Look little buddy,” Klaus tries. “You’ve been through some shit. You don’t have to be all tough about it. We’ve all had rough patches.”

“You don’t have to be concerned, barely anything happened. I’m **_fine_** ,” the boy growls, anxiety growing in the pit of his stomach.

_You’re not fine. You’re a mess. They can all see it. They pity you,_ his brain taunts.

His fingers find their way to the IV, pulling the needle out quickly with a sharp pinch.

Allison gasps loudly next to him. “Five! You need to keep that in, you need more rest.”

He can feel the pressure of their stares on him, the sadness in their eyes overwhelming him. He feels caught, trapped. His hands clench subconsciously and he feels the familiar thrum of power in his veins. That power had failed him the night before, smothered by the haze of drugs, deserting him when he needed it most. But it was here now. 

“Five..” Diego begins in a low voice, approaching slowly. They can all see his hands, watch him clench his fists, testing his powers. “You need to take it easy. Just chill. You’ve been through a lot, but it’s okay, you’re gonna be okay.” The vigilante addresses him like he’s soothing a frightened animal, the same way he had last night. Five realizes that’s how they must see him. Small and pale in this tiny fragile body, shaking like a fucking leaf. It crushes him in a way he cannot describe. 

He remembers his brother finding him, looking down on him while he shivered and cried and begged for help. Diego will never see him like before again. He’ll always be a sniveling weak infant in Number Two’s eyes. The thought burns him.

Five’s gaze snaps up to Diego’s and he growls, wants to hurt, wants to get them all off his back. 

“Don’t act like you fucking care all of a sudden, you’re the one that left me in the first place,” he bites. Diego flinches, pain burning across his face. His eyes drop to the floor, empty.

“Hey not cool man,” Klaus says, trying to mediate.

“Shut up” Five bites back.

“OKAY”, Allison announces. “I think we all need to cool off. Attacking each other isn’t making this any better.” She turns to Five. “And you obviously need a minute so….” She looks around the room, making eye contact with each sibling. “We’re gonna go upstairs, give Five some space, let him rest, and we can talk about this later.”

He recognizes her offer as an olive branch. He should take it. 

He doesn’t.

“We don’t need to talk about it later. There’s nothing to talk about,” he scoffs. 

“Five…” she starts gently.

“Stop trying to be my mom Allison.” Her face twists slightly, but she tries again. 

“I know you’re upset Five. You just need to rest, ok?” 

He can’t handle this much kindness, his body and mind rejecting it.

“Or what? You gonna rumor me to sleep like your daughter?” he sneers. His sister reels back like she’s been slapped.

_stop it_ , a small part of him whispers. _they care about you, they’re just trying to help._

**_No_ **, the other voice says.

He hurts. He wants to hurt. He wants them all to hurt.

“Hey!” Luther says, anger coloring his voice as he steps forward to comfort Allison. “She’s trying to help you. We’re all trying to help you.”

“I DON’T NEED YOUR HELP!” Five roars, everything he had bottled up spilling over. His throat burns with the strain but he can’t stop. “I’m fucking FINE. LEAVE ME ALONE.”

“Five…” Vanya, sweet sweet Vanya tries again, soft hands touching him. He rips his hands away, past his boiling point, unable to contain anything anymore.

“STOP. Stop treating me like I’m a fucking _child_. Like I’m some kind of fragile piece of shit. Like I’m fucking broken. It’s FINE. I’M FINE. HE DIDN’T EVEN FUCK ME OKAY?” he screeches, voice breaking.

The room itself seems to shudder, his siblings all flinching back at his words, pain on their faces, sorrow in their eyes. He can’t stand it. He can’t.

His face is wet with tears and he doesn’t know when that happened. 

“Goddammit,” Five whispers softly and clenches his fists. The familiar blue hue envelopes him and with a pop, he’s gone. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (( As always thank you so much for your kind support!! I could never imagine the response I'd get to this, it just blows me away.
> 
> Thank you for the constructive criticism on the last chapter! This is my first fanfiction so I really appreciate any thoughts on improvements I can make. I'm looking into getting a beta soon to help polish the rest of the story. I tried to incorporate some of your suggestions in this chapter so I hope it reads better. 
> 
> I tend to write in a more descriptive, train of thought style so I know it doesn't exactly follow traditional writing rules. I'll work to blend them together more <3 ))


	5. Leave a Trace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After his meltdown Five takes some time to reflect on the past night's events, finding himself in a downward spiral.
> 
> Someone unexpected comes to lend a hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (( Welcome back to another chapter of the emotional torture of Five Hargreeves!!
> 
> As always thanks so much for your kind comments and support!! 
> 
> Unfortunately, we haven't even made it near rock bottom yet in this story so we've still got some suffering to do before we can get better. But I promise it will get better!!))
> 
> ((Also I realized I posted the wrong chapter title for the last chapter so I've fixed that now oops))
> 
> TW: This chapter contains discussions/references to attempted sexual assault. As always, know your limits and stay safe!!

His body isn’t ready for the jump, crumpling to the bathroom floor. Five’s stomach lurches violently and he throws himself towards the toilet, purging the bare contents of his stomach.

After a few moments, his body stops heaving, and Five flops back onto the floor, panting heavily. The cool tile feels soothing against his burning skin so he stays there for a while, catching his breath.

His thoughts drift back to a few minutes earlier to the scene he caused with his family in the medical bay. He presses his hands to his eyes with a groan. How was he supposed to face them now, after throwing a tantrum like a fucking child. And the things he’d said.....

_ They deserved it _ , whispered the angry voice inside.  _ They pushed him, judged him _ .

_ No they didn’t _ , the other voice said.  _ They were worried about him, they loved him _ .

With a deep sigh, Five pushed himself off the floor onto shaky legs. Allison was right, he needed to rest more. But he couldn’t go back now, not yet, not when everything was so raw.

Taking stock of his surroundings Five’s eyes landed on the shower and suddenly realized how filthy he felt. Like a layer of grime covered every inch of him. He needed to scrub the memories of the night before off, needed to purge the hands and lips from his body. Opening the curtain he cranked the knob to the highest setting and stepped back to shed his pajamas. 

Dropping his shirt to the ground, he found his hands hesitating to remove the rest. While he hadn’t....while  _ that _ hadn’t happened...the near-miss had him shaking, trembling with the memory of scalding hands on the most intimate parts of his body. He’d barely spent time touching himself there, let alone had allowed anyone else.

Shaking his head to clear his thoughts, Five stripped off the rest and went to grab a towel off the rack. As he stepped forward, his eyes caught movement and he reared back, hands coming up in a defensive position. It took Five a few moments to realize what he was looking at. 

His reflection stared back at him, nearly unrecognizable to his own eyes. His face was pale, dark bruises across his nose, his cheek, under his eyes. His lips were swollen, split, bitten. His throat was ringed in purple, with deep red circles haphazardly placed. A bite sat at the crux of his shoulder. 

His chest was worse, a patchwork of bruises, hickeys, and bites littered his pale skin. His hand hesitantly peeled back the gauze pad to reveal a deep bite, the indents of teeth perfectly circled around his nipple. He’d been marked, claimed. Worry struck him then, that the wound would scar, that he’d be left with a permanent reminder of his foolishness, his weakness. Five tried to meet his own eyes, but couldn’t find himself in them.

Towel in hand, he turned toward the shower, steam already filling the room. The water was a shock as he stepped in, submerging himself in the boiling heat. The pain was a relief, he imagined his skin peeling and shedding in the heat. 

Five wanted it to hurt, he deserved it after the way he’d treated his siblings downstairs. Lathering a bath sponge in Klaus’s eucalyptus body wash, he began to scrub roughly at his skin as if he was trying to remove it.

As he stood under the scalding spray Five felt himself slipping back into his thoughts, tangled in the events of last night. It’d been his fault. He’d engaged with what he thought was a harmless stranger when he should have just told the guy to fuck off like he usually would. But he’d seemed nice.

It’d been a long time since Five had talked with someone outside of his family, with anyone who’d held a modicum of intelligence. The attention had been nice. His social skills were still severely lacking due to his years in isolation. He’d maintained the bare minimum of human contact during his time at the Commission, only engaging when the job explicitly required it. 

His siblings had made it a new goal to improve his behavior, forcing him to engage in conversations and interact with others at places like the grocery store or restaurants. He still struggled with large crowds, the noise of so many people became overwhelming. The world after the apocalypse had been excruciatingly quiet and he’d been thankful every day for Dolores’ soft tones. 

His heart twinged sharply at the thought of his former companion, her soothing voice and warm laugh. After doomsday had been averted, Five granted his wife her freedom, returning her to her former life as a model. At the time it felt like the right thing to do, but now he wished he’d been more selfish and kept her by his side.

  
  


Five was broken from his thoughts by a stinging sensation across his skin. Looking down he observed a slight pink tinge on the sponge he was holding. Frowning, his gaze raked over his body to find the cause. In his haze he’d continued to scrub himself with rigorous force, scourging the top layer of skin, leaving his flesh pink and raw. 

His chest had bled slightly from the force, the shallower bites opening anew. Despite the sting, Five still felt dirty, like the events of the night were tattooed into his skin, permanent, eternal. This would always be a part of him. 

Darkness began to creep into his vision again and he was distantly aware of his lungs collapsing. Weak, wheezing breaths were escaping his chest and his limbs began to shake. Trembling like a newborn fawn, Five’s muscles gave out and he sunk to the floor of the tub. Out of the direct spray of the showerhead, Five could feel hot tears rolling down his cheeks again.

_ Weak _ , his mind whispered.

_ Pathetic _ , it taunted.

_ Disgusting _ , it hissed.

His head fell into his hands and he desperately tried to stop the oncoming sobs, biting his hand to muffle his cries.

  
  


Time seemed to fly by without notice, the only indication of it’s passage the now icy stream of water pouring around him. His tears had run out a while ago and now the boy sat trembling, shivering under the chilly water.

A soft knock at the door caught his attention, head whipping to the side as he listened for the source. After a moment, the knock came louder, accompanied by a familiar voice. 

“Heyyy Fivey, are you doing ok in there?” Klaus questioned softly. “No pressure or anything but it’s been like over an hour and everyone’s getting a little worried. I had to talk Luther out of coming up and busting the door in.”

Five couldn’t find it in him to respond.

After a silence, Klaus tried again. “So...I’m worried too so I’m gonna come in, okay? Just for a second. I’m gonna count to 10, alright? Cover up whatever you don’t want me to see.”

Five didn’t move.

  
  


True to his word, the door handle twisted open after a moment, Klaus’s curly head popping through the opening. His eyes swept the bathroom before landing on Five hunched down in the tub. His eyebrows creased slightly, a subtle frown crossing his face. As quick as it appeared the expression was gone, his face lit up in a signature smile and he stepped into the room, shutting the door behind him. 

Hands firmly in his pockets, Klaus slowly made his way towards the tub, looking at a spot over Five’s head. Reaching the side, he withdrew one hand and lightly stuck it into the stream of water. 

“Yikes! Does this pipe lead directly to Antarctica?” he yelped, pulling his hand back quickly. 

“That can’t be comfortable, let’s get you out of here. You’re starting to look like a smurf,” the taller Hargreeves said with a chuckle.

His brother reached out and turned off the water before grabbing his towel off the side table. Klaus crouched down next to the tub, trying to catch the silent boy’s eye. 

“Is it ok if I touch you?” he questioned softly. “Just with the towel, not my hands.”

Five contemplated for a moment before nodding ever so slightly. Klaus draped the thick towel around his shoulders like a cape, before pulling a smaller one over his head. He began to gently rub Five’s hair, trying to dry his icy locks.

After a few moments of soft tousling, Klaus stood up and headed to the door, pulling a fluffy white robe off the back hook. Returning, he shuffled around for a second, unsure. 

“Can you stand?” he asked softly.

Five still hadn’t met his eyes, not wanting to see the pity he knew was there. He gripped the sides of the tub and attempted to climb to his feet, but the stress on his body was too much, slipping back onto the floor with a thud. A gasp slipped from his lips unbidden, embarrassment burning red across his face. 

Wordlessly Klaus offered a hand to the boy, who reached up tentatively. An unexpectedly firm grip met his weak one, hauling the boy to his feet. The towel slipped off, exposing his pale bruised skin. A whimper of anguish escaped the small spatial jumper, his shame on full display. 

“It’s ok,” Klaus murmured, maintaining the boy's balance. 

“Here” his brother offered as the robe was draped along his shoulders. 

Using his free hand Five managed to wiggle into the sleeves, with Klaus switching his grip so he could maneuver both arms in. Once it was mostly on, Klaus leaned him against the edge of the tub so he could belt the robe shut. It was thick and warm, but much bigger than his usual one. As he stood again the hem dropped to his ankles, completely swallowing his small frame.

“C’mere,” Klaus said, helping Five climb out of the basin. He was slightly steadier on his feet now, but the cold water had definitely taken its toll. His body was wracked with violent shivers, teeth beginning to chatter. His brother’s hands held him gently by the shoulders and Five found himself not flinching from the touch as much as he expected. 

It was probably due to the thickness of the robe, the touch more of a phantom feeling. Direct skin to skin contact was a completely different story. Five couldn’t fathom having anyone’s hands on him again. 

  
  


He grimaced at the thought, a small flare of anger burning through him. His touch aversion was one of the things he’d worked hardest on when he’d returned to his family. Years of being the only person alive in the apocalypse, the only flesh he’d touched belonging to the cold corpses of his family had scarred him. 

The only contact he had during his time in the Commission was when taking down a target. His hands only knew how to kill, not how to hold. There had been the touches from the Handler of course, cold and cruel, the fake affection made his skin crawl. Her touch had been like that man’s, controlling, claiming, marking. 

He’d had to train himself not to pop out of existence whenever one of his siblings laid a hand on him, a light touch to his shoulder used to send him flying across the room. Vanya and Allison had slowly broken those barriers down, gently holding his hands, folding him into soft hugs. He’d worked to initiate contact with his brothers, wary touches on their arms when speaking to them, light slaps to the back of their heads when they were being idiots. 

In the past few weeks, he’d grown remarkably better at accepting the affections of his siblings, slinging an arm around Klaus as he pulled him into a strategy meeting, letting Vanya lay her head in his lap as she read, allowing Allison to hold his hand as they weaved through the city streets, giving Diego an enthusiastic high five after a particularly good dig at one of the others. 

He’d reduced Luther to tears a few days ago after the tallest Hargreeves had helped him track down an old book of his, lost somewhere in their father’s study. In his excitement Five had instinctually flung his arms around his brother in a quick hug, before drawing back with apologies, embarrassment blooming on his face. Luther had told him it was okay, choking around the words, eyes wet. 

And all that improvement, all that work had been undone in one night. He’d flinched from  _ Vanya _ , for god’s sake, the softest and smallest of his family, simply because he couldn’t bear to feel another person’s fingers on him. 

_ He’s ruined you _ , the dark voice growled.  _ You’re ruined. _

  
  


The snap of Klaus’s fingers brought him back to the present, big eyes turning up towards the sound. Klaus was looking at him curiously, but there was a sheen of sadness in the depths. Five looked away again. 

“You with me now little buddy?”, he questioned. The boy gave the slightest nod. 

“Cool. Let’s get you to your room, get you settled. You look like shit.” Klaus held the edge of the robe’s sleeve and led Five down the hallway to his room, walking at a slow pace so the boy didn’t stumble. 

Five didn’t see any of his siblings as he passed their rooms, but he figured they were all trying to avoid him now anyway. After his vicious outburst he didn’t blame them. 

_ They shouldn’t have pushed you _ , that dark voice said.  _ They got what they fucking deserved. Just like you. _

_ no, _ the other voice said, but much quieter this time. 

  
  


With so many people with such bright personalities the air was always full of a cacophony of sounds, now hearing the house so quiet was unsettling. After a few moments, the two brothers reached the door bearing a bright white 5. The siblings had decorated their doors as much as their rooms, each with distinct personalities. 

Luther's was covered in the same glow-in-the-dark stars and moons that adorned his ceiling, while Allison’s sported paper flowers in a rainbow of colors. 

Diego’s was full of gouges from where he’d practiced his knife throwing, a few paper bullseyes taped there as well. 

Klaus’s was a cornucopia of nonsense featuring fashion ads, photographs, and an assortment of stickers. Vanya no longer had a personal room at the academy after Klaus had knocked down her wall to give himself extra space, but he’d honored her there as well with a few music notes and a photo of a violin. 

Ben’s door was coated top-to-bottom in paper: post-it notes from his family, pictures of everyone together, poems he might like. With Klaus’s new sobriety it was easier for him to summon the other Hargreeves for short periods of time to see the family, but the others still went out of their way to leave messages for him on the door. 

Five’s was plain, a simple white 5 painted on the wood with a small handwritten sign stating “Stay OUT”. He’d shut himself up in his room after his return, keeping to himself and scribbling equations on the wall like a maniac. Over the past 2 months after the averted apocalypse he’d begun to leave his door open, allowing his siblings to peek in on him. 

  
  


Klaus brought him into the room, helping him maneuver over to his bed. He hated being coddled like this, like a child, but exhaustion sat deep in his bones. Without his brother's help he would have likely sunk to the bathroom floor and remained there the rest of the night.

Klaus sat him on the bed and turned around, rummaging through his drawers to find his pajamas. After a moment he turned back, placing the bundle of clothes next to him before turning around to give the boy some privacy. Five wondered what had happened to his clothes from before, hoped they had been burned. 

He had other clothes of course, after everything had settled Allison had dragged him out shopping. Five had turned down most of the stylish clothes youths his age would wear, opting for basic jeans, soft t-shirts, and a few sweaters. 

His small frame was prone to getting chilly, so he often sported a sweatshirt or cardigan around the house. He’d kept the few uniforms left in his closet, partially because of nostalgia, but mainly because he liked to wear them for missions. It was like putting on an old skin, lapsing into another personality. He stopped being Five the boy and became Number Five, trained professional and ass-kicking assassin. 

After last night, however, he was unsure if he’d ever want to put the thing on again. The memory of fingers tearing at his buttons, pulling open his belt, binding him with his own fucking tie. 

He’d killed a man with his tie once, slipping it around his neck and flipping him across a table, using his body weight to snap the man's spine over a chair. Thinking about the slim piece of fabric binding his wrists together felt akin to betrayal, his own weapon used against him. 

Five had always prided himself on his adaptability, able to quickly assess a situation for threats and survey the area for useful tools. He’d destroyed that elite team of Commission assassins in Griddy’s using a butter knife, pencil, plate, and his wits. Of course, he’d also relied on his powers, his spatial jumps always the main component of his attacks. 

Five was still deadly without them, quick on his feet and with his mind, but he’d only had to fight without them a handful of times, when he’d been overwhelmed with enemies and used up too much gas from the tank. Never in his life had he been blocked from them, unable to even feel them in his veins. 

It was a crushing blow, he hadn’t felt that powerless since the first few days he’d spent in the apocalypse. He’d desperately tried again and again to reach out, pull himself back through time to 2002, back to his living family, with absolutely no results. 

  
  


Klaus cleared his throat, pulling Five’s attention back to him. His brother was eyeing him over his shoulder, not yet turning around.

“You uh...need any help?” he asked softly. 

Five was still sitting there swamped in the large robe, swallowed in the fabric like a mouse in a snake. 

“no,” came his voice from the depths, scratchy and weak from his earlier screams. He cleared his throat, tried again.  “No, I got it.” 

With a nod, Klaus turned back to the wall. Five unbelted the robe, let it fall away from him in a puddle, sucking in a breath as the cool air touched his bare skin. Not wanting to be exposed for any longer than he had to be, Five dressed quickly. 

Klaus had set out his favorite sweater, an oversized grey cable knit with thick black buttons and elbow patches. The family had teased him about his “grandpa” fashion, but Five didn’t care as long as he was comfortable. 

The soft fabric felt comforting against his skin and Five found himself burrowing down into it, inhaling the rain scented detergent Mom always used on their clothes. She’d stopped using lavender on the laundry after he’d confided to Vanya that it reminded him of his time at the Commission, the signature scent of his sadistic boss the Handler. The others had stopped using the scent as well, all products with the aroma disappearing from the bathroom overnight. He’d never said anything about it, but Five had been genuinely touched by the gesture.

  
  


With the rustling of fabric silent once more, Klaus peeked back and turned around fully once he’d seen Five settled in his pajamas and sweater. He came forward slowly, moving the robe off to a chair and seating himself on the floor by Five. He leaned against the bed, back to Five, and crossed his legs. 

“Okay. So hear me out,” he began in a smooth voice. “You don’t want to talk about anything. I get it. So I’m gonna talk and I want you to listen. I’m not gonna ask you anything. If you want to say something you can. But please….just listen.”

Klaus let out a long sigh before he continued.

“I can’t say I know exactly how  _ you _ feel right now, but I can say that I understand how you could feel in the situation.”

A pause, another breath.

“I’ve…...I’ve been in the same place you have before. The same thing….but….I...there wasn’t anyone to rescue me.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (( Oof I really keep hurting this little murder gremlin, don't I? 
> 
> And the next chapter we're in for a real treat because it's time for Klaus's perspective!! And he gets to suffer too!! 
> 
> Why am I like this??
> 
> Also, I've taken some of your suggestions and re-edited the first 2 chapters so they read easier, I hope you'll let me know if that works better now. ))


	6. The Ghost of You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trying to comfort Five, Klaus revisits a memory he'd much rather leave in the past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((Hiiii I am so SO sorry about the late update :(
> 
> I'm working with a Beta now and we live in different countries so it's taken us a little time to find a good working schedule.
> 
> I promise I haven't abandoned this! It's my baby and it's keeping me sane during quarantine :D
> 
> See the bottom note for more info on future updates!))
> 
> TW: This chapter contains discussions of drug use and attempted sexual assault. As always, know your limits and stay safe!

The past 24 hours had become some of the most stressful of Klaus’ life. 

Yesterday had started as a perfectly normal day. He’d been perfecting his latte art at the café and made his best batch of vegan chocolate muffins, a recipe he’d been tweaking for a while. 

Ben had had a great day as well. His favorite regular had come in to work on his screenplay, now in its final edits. His ghostly brother had been giving Klaus updates on the story and was absolutely delighted to read the end. 

That evening he’d joined Allison in their kitchen as she enjoyed a glass of wine and regaled him with stories about her castmates from the current production she was in. There was some kind of drama involving the playwright, the director, and one of the actresses. Klaus listened intently and interjected with scandalized gasps at each new twist in the tale. 

Luther had come down to join and the trio had lapsed into comfortable conversation. Vanya had been over earlier in the day but eventually returned to her apartment to prepare for her morning lessons. Klaus hadn’t seen Five or Diego that evening but assumed the former was lurking in his room and the later was out stalking the streets.

This theory was disproven when Diego burst through the back door, breathless and splattered in blood carrying a limp Five in his arms. 

The kitchen erupted in a flurry of activity, each of them rushing forward to check on the pair. Diego asked for Mom, requesting medical attention and Klaus shot off with no hesitation. He knew he had a reputation among his siblings for being aloof but he could be serious when the situation called for it. 

He located Grace in her usual spot by the paintings and led her down to the medical bay. Allison was gently wiping blood from Five’s face, revealing dark bruising across his nose and cheek. Mom drifted to Diego first, the vigilante coated in dark, sticky red but he waved her off. She turned her attention to Five, slipping into her caregiver mode and questioned their brother on how the young man had gotten in this state. 

Diego was squirrelly at first, awkwardly deflecting and then he’d mentioned the drugs. Klaus barked in laughter, disbelieving, and tried to inject some of his usual humor into the situation. 

“Well now, didn’t know Fivey had it in him. Bye vodka, we’re playing with the big boys now! What was it? Coke? Heroin? Assorted pills?” he laughed.

“I… uh… I don’t know… something he drank...” Diego admitted with a grimace, looking away from them.

The laughter died in Klaus’ throat. He turned his eyes back to his unconscious brother noting his sweaty, pale complexion and shallow breaths. It was a familiar sight for the former addict, someone under the influence of a heavy dose. 

He tuned out his siblings’ arguing and watched as Grace began to undress Five, undoing the first few buttons on his messy shirt. A dark ring of bruising was visible around his throat, like the boy had been strangled. Klaus felt anger welling up in him but it was struck down into horror by the next wound that was revealed. 

The dark bite at the crux of his brother’s throat tore a curse from Klaus’ lips. 

“What the hell?” he exclaimed, drawing the siblings attention. “His neck,” Klaus elaborated, motioning to Five. “It looks like someone strangled him but…” he trailed off, still trying to process what he’d seen. 

“But what?” Luther demanded. Klaus’ eyes searched out Diego’s. 

“It looks like… someone bit him.” 

As his siblings' attention turned to his discovery, panic erupted on Diego’s face and he desperately tried to drag them all from the room. He was too late. Mom opened the boy’s shirt to reveal a kaleidoscope of horror on Five’s pale chest.

Klaus was struck with despair at the sight; bruises, hickeys, fucking _bite marks_ littering the small Hargreeves, painting a vivid portrait of suffering. The others turned on Diego then, demanding answers.

When Diego revealed the truth of the evening ice burned through Klaus’s veins, freezing him in place. A man had drugged Five, dragged him away, and forced himself on him. As soon as Diego told them he’d arrived just in time Klaus felt air rattle through his lungs, unaware he’d stopped breathing. 

_That_ hadn’t happened, not to Five. But it’d come close, too damn close, and Klaus felt crushed by the knowledge. 

Grace shooed them from the med bay then, the shell-shocked siblings drifting up to the parlor. Klaus took a detour to the kitchen to grab a bottle of wine, which he handed off to a grateful Diego.

Klaus stepped up and began the family discussion, questioning Diego about the state he’d found Five in. Klaus had years of experience putting nearly everything under the sun into his body, so he had a good understanding of what was currently pumping through his smallest brother’s veins. 

He’d been around people with those kinds of experiences as well at his rehab center. It’s where he’d done most of his reading on the subject, often consuming an entire book during his stints at the center in an effort to distract his mind. 

Listening to Diego killed any hope that Five might have been too far gone to understand what was happening. If he’d been out the family would have a better chance at salvaging their brother's sanity. Unfortunately, he’d definitely been aware enough to comprehend his situation. 

Ben spoke up then, reminding Klaus that their brother was already struggling with contact between his family members, that this instance would likely destroy any progress they’d made together. The thought made Klaus ill, remembering how touch averse the boy was, even with them. Forced contact with a stranger must have devastated him. Klaus relayed the message to the others, watching their faces fall as they came to the same conclusion as Klaus. 

Allison stepped away to summon Vanya while Diego and Luther left to dispose of the body of the man who’d hurt Five. Klaus sat silently in the library, brushing off Ben’s attempts to speak to him, spiraling into his own thoughts. Vanya arrived shortly after the phone call, frazzled and distressed. 

“Hello?” Vanya called from the entryway, voice cutting through the silence. “Guys?”

“Vanya!” Allison called out.

Klaus figured he should probably join them but he couldn’t find the energy to get out of his chair.

“What’s going on? What happened?” Vanya demanded, her fearful voice floating down the hall.

He could picture Allison struggling to find the right way to phrase what had happened to their brother. 

“I need to tell you something. It’s about Five,” Allison said, trying to sound stoic.

Klaus waited a few more minutes, finally getting up when a pulse wave rustled through the house. He’d had no interest in hearing the story again, but he knew Vanya needed comfort.

He sauntered into the parlor and climbed onto the couch, wordlessly wrapping his arms around his crying sisters. Ben hovered on the other side, a stricken expression on his face. 

After their brothers returned Grace appeared to update them on Five’s condition. As Klaus feared, the boy had a near-lethal dose of GHB and Rohypnol coursing through his veins. There was some good news at least: their brother hadn’t suffered any injuries below the waist. 

Grace returned downstairs and everyone split up into different directions, Diego slipping upstairs for a shower, Vanya and Allison disappearing into the kitchen for some wine, Luther furiously pacing the halls. Klaus followed Mom down to the medical bay and curled himself into a chair next to the bed, watching Five’s shaky breaths slowly turn into steady ones. He knew the signs of an overdose. He needed to be there. He needed to be sure. 

Ben wandered away a few times but always returned to Klaus’ side, thankfully not pestering him to talk. He knew where Klaus’ thoughts were. He’d been there for the worst of everything and knew what the situation had reawakened. 

Klaus drifted off at some point, awakening with stiff muscles to see the rest of his family settled around the room. He caught Diego’s eyes as he stretched, the haunted look giving him a pause. It was like his brother was looking through him without seeing Klaus at all.

Hours passed, the moon trading places with the sun. The siblings shifted in and out of the room throughout the day. Mom came to check on Five’s vitals on occasion, reassuring everyone that he was stable, just needed more rest. 

Vanya and Allison brought around sandwiches at some point, but no one had much of an appetite. Diego still hadn’t moved from the room, keeping a constant eye on the small form lying still. Klaus could tell he was blaming himself for the situation, but he wasn’t sure yet how to talk to Diego about it.

As the sun began to set, the sky turning a dusky red-purple, something finally happened.

A soft noise came from the bed, indicating the boy’s return to consciousness. In an instant they were all on their feet, crowding around. It was a total shitshow. 

As Klaus predicted, Five denied everything and snapped the further he was pushed. He kept screaming at them and finally seemed to break, blinking out of existence to escape. There was a moment of panic where they all tore through the house looking for him until Vanya heard the shower and they all agreed to give him some space to calm down. 

More than an hour passed, and the others were growing restless. 

“It’s been too long. Something’s wrong,” Luther growled, pacing across the room.

“He just needs some space Luther. I’m sure he’s fine,” Allison sighed, trying to placate the man.

“But it’s been more than an _hour_!” Luther cried. “What if he’s hurt himself or something?”

“He wouldn’t do that,” Vanya said softly. “I think he just needs some time. Waking up was hard on him.”

Luther’s face fell and Vanya quickly backtracked.

“I just meant he was very disoriented. He had to remember a lot at once, it must have been overwhelming,” she murmured.

Luther sighed, pacified by his sister's words. After another 10 minutes had passed, that calm was broken.

“Okay that’s it,” Luther announced. “I’m going up there.”

“Luther!” Allison tried, but he cut her off.

“Nope. I don’t care. It’s been too long.” 

“He’s not gonna want to talk to you,” Diego grumbled.

“Well he’s gonna _have_ to talk to me.”

“What, you’re just gonna barge in on him?” Diego growled, stepping up to his brother.

“I’ll break the damn door down if I have to!” 

“OKAY! Okay,” Klaus yelled, breaking up the fight before it got physical. “Yes Luther, we are all concerned. But let’s not do that. I’ll go check on him, okay?”

“You?” Luther asked, incredulous.

“Yes, me, Luther dear. I am his favorite brother after all,” Klaus mused, walking out of the parlor with a wave of his hand, the GOODBYE a clear end to the conversation. 

The shower was still running when Klaus arrived outside the door, the low hiss of water the only sound in the quiet hallway. He took a deep breath and raised his fist, placing one loud rap against the wood. 

Silence. 

Klaus eyed Ben, who nodded, and knocked louder this time. 

“Heyyy Fivey, are you doing ok in there?” Klaus questioned softly. “No pressure or anything but it’s been like over an hour and everyone’s getting a little worried. I had to talk Luther out of coming up and busting the door in.”

Still no response.

Stomach twisting, Klaus tried again. 

“So… I’m worried too so I’m gonna come in, okay? Just for a second. I’m gonna count to 10, alright? Cover up whatever you don’t want me to see.”

Nothing.

Heart in his throat, Klaus twisted open the doorknob, popping his head through the opening. His eyes swept the bathroom before landing on Five hunched down in the tub. His eyebrows creased, a subtle frown crossing his face at the sight. As quick as it appeared Klaus knocked it off, lighting his face up in a signature smile and stepped into the room, shutting the door behind him. 

Hands firmly in his pockets, Klaus made his way towards the tub, looking at a spot over Five’s head. Reaching the side, he withdrew one hand and stuck it into the stream of water. Pure ice met his skin, stinging him on contact. 

“Yikes! Does this pipe lead directly to Antarctica?” he yelped, pulling his hand back quickly. 

“That can’t be comfortable, let’s get you out of here. You’re starting to look like a smurf.” He tried to keep his tone light, but his gut wrenched in concern. Five was abnormally pale, his small frame shaking underneath the stream of water.

Klaus reached out and turned off the water before grabbing a towel off the side table. Crouching down next to the tub, he tried to catch the silent boy’s eye. 

“Is it ok if I touch you?” he questioned softly. “Just with the towel, not my hands.”

Five contemplated for a moment before nodding ever so slightly. Klaus draped the thick towel around his brother's shoulders like a cape before pulling a smaller one over his head. He began to gently rub Five’s hair, trying to dry his icy locks.

After a few moments of soft tousling, Klaus stood up and headed to the door, pulling a fluffy white robe off the back hook. Returning, he shuffled around for a second, unsure. 

“Can you stand?” he asked softly. 

Five still hadn’t met his eyes. Klaus looked to Ben, seeing a nervous expression similar to his own. 

Five began to move, gripping the sides of the tub and attempting to climb to his feet, but he slipped back onto the floor with a thud. The boy gasped at the harsh contact, embarrassment burning red across his face. Wordlessly Klaus offered a hand to his brother, who reached up tentatively after a moment. 

_His grip is so weak,_ Klaus noticed as he hauled the boy to his feet. 

The towel slipped off Five’s shoulders, exposing his bruised skin. 

“It’s ok,” Klaus murmured, maintaining the boy's balance. “Here.” He offered the robe, draping it along his brother’s shoulders. 

Five wiggled into the sleeves, Klaus switching his grip so he could maneuver both arms in. Once it was mostly on, Klaus leaned him against the edge of the tub so he could belt the robe shut. It was a thick plain robe, much bigger than Five’s usual one. It probably belonged to Diego. 

Klaus hadn’t offered his own as he was sure the boy wouldn’t have appreciated the fluffy pink robe covered in dolphins. As Five stood the hem dropped to his ankles, completely swallowing his small frame.

“C’mere,” Klaus said, helping his brother climb out of the deep basin. 

He was slightly steadier on his feet now, but the cold water had definitely had an effect. Five shivered violently, teeth beginning to chatter. Klaus held him gently by the shoulders, surprised when Five didn’t flinch from the touch as much as he expected. 

Five’s touch aversion was one of the things they’d worked hardest on when he’d returned to the family. 

It’d been tough, but they’d managed to get him to open up some during the family sharing sessions about his time in the apocalypse. He’d stoically told them about burying their bodies, how he’d had to touch their cold skin. It had really clicked then, why their warm touches freaked him out so badly.

There had been that Handler woman as well, a cold and cruel creature, laying unwanted affection on Five. The siblings had been revolted when they’d met her. The possessive touch she laid on their small brother, the way she’d spoken to him like a lover, lecherous. 

They knew Five had been training himself not to blink away whenever they touched him. Klaus was often physically affectionate with his siblings, so being unable to connect with Five in that way had been rough. His sisters had slowly broken those barriers down, gently holding Five’s hands, folding him into soft hugs. 

Lately, Five had put in more effort to initiate contact with his brothers. Klaus didn’t even mind the light hits to his head if they came from Five, just grateful the boy had begun to relax around them. Sometimes he’d even say something stupid on purpose, just so Five would roll his eyes and punch him in the shoulder.

Five had even given Luther a hug the other day. The large man had cried when he’d told Allison and Klaus about it in the kitchen, overwhelmed by the interaction. Klaus secretly hoped he’d be lucky enough to get one soon.

Now all that improvement, all that work had been undone in one night. 

Klaus watched his brother with cautious eyes. The boy had retreated inward, lost in thought with a thousand-yard stare. Klaus snapped his fingers to bring his brother back to the present, big eyes turning up towards the sound. Klaus regarded him with curiosity, wondering what was going through his brother’s head. Five looked away again. 

“You with me, little buddy?” he questioned. 

The boy gave the slightest nod. 

“Cool. Let’s get you to your room, get you settled. You look like shit.” 

Klaus held the edge of the robe’s sleeve and led Five down the hallway to his room, walking at a slow pace so the boy didn’t stumble. Ben fell into step behind them, sadness in his eyes as he followed the small shivering boy. The empty hallway meant the others were still downstairs and Klaus silently hoped they would stay there so he could focus on Five. 

Klaus brought Five into his room, helping him maneuver over to the bed before turning around to rummage through the drawers to find some pajamas. He picked out a comfortable looking pair, along with some undergarments. As he dug through the drawers he found Five’s stash of sweaters and smiled to himself.

Allison had been horrified when she’d returned from her shopping trip with their brother. He’d turned down every suggestion she’d made and rejected the conventionally stylish clothes his sister had tried to buy. They’d all teased him about his “grandpa” fashion, how Five seemed to prefer comfort over style. 

Klaus pulled out Five’s favorite sweater, an oversized grey cable knit with thick black buttons and elbow patches. While the boy had never outright stated it was his favorite, he’d worn it around the house enough to become a familiar sight.

He turned back, placing the bundle of clothes next to Five before turning around to give the boy some privacy. After a long silence, Klaus looked over his shoulder. His brother sat still on the bed, lost in thought.

Klaus cleared his throat. “You uh… need any help?” he asked softly. 

Five was still sitting there, engulfed in the large robe, his head barely peeking out. Klaus would have considered it adorable under normal circumstances. 

“No,” came the small voice from the depths. Five cleared his throat and spoke again louder. “No, I got it.” 

With a nod, Klaus turned back to the wall, listening to the rustle of fabric. 

When the room grew silent once more, Klaus peeked back and turned around fully once he’d seen Five settled in his pajamas and sweater. He moved the robe off to a chair and sunk to the floor near his brother. Klaus leaned against the bed, back to Five, and crossed his legs. Ben sat in the chair across the room and shot him a thumbs up. 

“Okay. So hear me out,” he began in a smooth voice. “You don’t want to talk about anything. I get it. So I’m gonna talk and I want you to listen. I’m not gonna ask you anything. If you want to say something you can. But please… just listen.”

Klaus let out a long sigh before he continued.

“I can’t say I know exactly how _you_ feel right now, but I can say that I understand how you could feel in the situation.” He paused, taking another breath. “I’ve… I’ve been in the same place you have before. The same thing… but… I… there wasn’t anyone to rescue me.” 

He felt Five tense next to him, letting out a harsh exhale.

Klaus continued. 

“Look… we all know I’ve had some problems in the past. Some serious problems. It’s honestly a miracle I’ve lived as long as I have. Or not, seeing as God hates me,” he said with a sharp laugh.

“I’ve taken just about everything you could think of. Started off small, just alcohol and weed, y’know the basics? But… eventually that stopped working. My body adapted, the ghosts got too powerful. So I moved on to the stronger stuff.”

His hands were beginning to tremble, Klaus fisting them tightly into the silky fabric of his pants. Heart pounding, Klaus looked at Ben again, taking in the soft sad smile on his face. He let out a deep breath.

“I was already struggling with the stuff from the mausoleum but then… Ben died. And everything kinda just… went completely to shit. Dad got meaner, the ghosts got angrier… I couldn’t deal with it,” he went on. 

Klaus had brought up the mausoleum before during one of the “family bonding sessions”, revealing to his siblings the truth about his _special training_ with their father. The others had been horrified, devastated over the fact that none of them knew how he’d been suffering. It had been hard for Klaus to describe how his powers worked, how he was constantly surrounded by decaying corpses, pleading to him for help, screaming at him for their deaths. 

Ben had always been a help to him, staying by his side, trying to chase off some of the more intense specters. Klaus had put him through so much shit over the years, it amazed him his brother had stuck by his side this long. 

Getting sober had definitely improved Klaus’ life for the better, even if it had been an ugly journey there. He’d had the constant support of his siblings, making his attempt a lot more successful this time around.

Ben had dictated to Klaus and the others where every hidden stash in the house was, and the family had spent a day pulling pills and powders from flowerpots, pillows, and even the wild boar’s head that hung in the living room. Five had sat on Luther’s shoulders to pull that one out, much to the delight of everyone else.

Of course, being sober meant Klaus could no longer block out the ghosts that surround him, but he had discovered something interesting. With his powers in full effect, and with ghostly support from Ben, he could now mute the surrounding spirits. Dimming down the screams to a muffled buzz.

Ben looked at him now with love in his eyes, smile gentle and encouraging. “You can do this Klaus. I’m proud of you.”

Klaus returned the smile, but his heart was clenching painfully. 

“So obviously I was kinda in a bad place. And I just dove deeper in. I started sneaking out a lot, going to parties, slipping into bars, that kind of thing. General reckless teenage behavior,” he said with a wave of his hand. 

“And I was hanging around some real low-lives, the kind of people that were happy to provide me with whatever kind of substances my little heart desired. Real scum of the earth, y’know?” he laughed but it was a hollow sound.

“I just wanted to escape everything… just for a bit… not be Number Four, not have these powers, just be… normal,” Klaus sighed, drawing his knees up in front of him. He folded in on himself before continuing. 

“So one night I snuck out, hit a party I knew was happening. It was great, good music, assorted pills, living the dream. I was 16. Felt invincible.” He sighed. “I was lost in the music, the lights, the sweaty bodies. Everyone kept handing me cups and I just… kept drinking them.”

Five was still tense, drawing in a stuttered breath.

“I don’t remember much of what happened. I was dancing and then I was in someone's room. It was dark. He was heavy. My brain was slush. He just kept panting in my ear.”

Klaus stared at the floor, unable to look at Ben. He’d been there, of course, he always was. He’d been screaming at Klaus, screaming at the guy, just screaming. 

Five had sucked in a deep breath and seemed to be holding it.

“I got lucky. I have no idea what I took earlier but I think it counteracted whatever was in the drink. Or maybe the guy hadn’t given me a big dose, I don’t know. But I could still move. Not well, I was clumsy, but I could still move. He was trying to take my pants off and I just grabbed whatever I could. I think it was a lamp. Bashed him across the face, knocked him out cold. Then I got the fuck out of there.”

Five let out a choked breath. Klaus’ heart was pounding, the beats loud in his own ears.

“Made it back home, didn’t go out at night for a week. Swore I was gonna stop everything.” Klaus sighed. “But eventually the ghosts got too loud again. I was too weak. I started going out again like normal. But I stuck with what I put in my own body… I guess it felt okay if it was my choice y’know? I never took a drink from anybody after that, always poured my own.”

Ben had moved in front of him, hand hovering over his knee. He couldn’t touch him right then, but the supportive gesture was clear. Klaus gave him a watery smile. 

“It took me a really long time to come to terms that what happened wasn’t _my_ fault. I may have made some bad choices, been reckless, but I didn’t ask for that to happen. I didn’t _want_ that to happen. I didn’t _make_ that happen. He _chose_ to do that. It was _his_ fault.”

He turned to face Five, most of the boy’s expression unreadable, sunken down into his sweater. His eyes were shiny, sorrowful. 

“I want you to understand it’s the same for you. You didn’t ask for that. You didn’t want that. You didn’t make it happen. It’s not your fault Five,” he said firmly, staring into his brother's eyes. “I know you feel a lot of things right now. I don’t want you to push yourself. I’ll be here to listen when you’re ready to talk, ok? Just don’t keep all that inside forever. We’re all here for you.” 

Five looked away from his brother’s gaze, eyes flitting back to the floor. 

“I’m proud of you Klaus,” Ben whispered, wearing a soft smile. 

Five shifted, drawing Klaus’ attention back to him. His eyebrows were furrowed, his mouth twisted in a grimace. He opened his mouth as if to speak, before closing it tight. After a second he tried again.

“It’s not the same th… I don’t need you to…” Five struggled, glaring a hole into the floor. “I’m not gonna talk about it. There’s nothing to talk about,” Five grumbled.

The boy pulled himself deeper into his sweater, burying his face.

Klaus deflated a bit, turning away with a sigh. 

_I messed this up, didn’t I?_ He groaned internally. _Now he’s pissed off again_.

Five made a soft frustrated noise behind him. A small hand startled Klaus as it touched his shoulder, fingers barely brushing the fabric. 

“Thanks for telling me. I’m sorry about… what happened to you,” a small voice said, muffled by thick wool.

“No worries mein bruder. I just wanted to let you know you weren’t alone,” Klaus said with a smile.

Five rolled back on the bed, settling into a small ball.

“I need to sleep. Do you mind closing the door when you leave?”

Klaus sighed. He hadn’t really expected a full breakthrough, but he’d take what he could get. “Sure little guy. Get some rest. Let us know if you need anything, okay?” With that he rose to his feet, Ben following behind. As he reached the door frame he turned back, looking over Five one more time. 

_He’s so fucking tiny_ , he thought, heart clenching at the sight of his small brother curled up. 

Klaus flicked the light off and stepped out of the room, shutting the door behind him. With a sigh he leaned his back against the wooden frame and shut his eyes. 

“Listen… I know you don’t like me and that’s fine. I don’t care. But please… please let us fix him. Let him come out of this okay. Please...” he whispered, hoping She could hear him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((As I mentioned above, I'm now working with a Beta: the wonderful @GwendolynStacy!!
> 
> She's amazing and I'm super excited about giving y'all the best possible chapters I can <3
> 
> Unfortunately we live in different countries/time zones so it was a learning experience at first trying to coordinate, but I think we've got it down now :)
> 
> Because the process is different now, updates are going to be a little less structured :/ I'll have at least one chapter out a week, but most likely not on a specific day. I recommend bookmarking the story if you can so you'll be notified when I post a new chapter. 
> 
> I've got a lot of big things planned for this story so I hope you'll continue to enjoy it! 
> 
> Thank you for your support!!))


	7. This Is How I Disappear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Attempting to regain some control over his life Five revisits some not so treasured childhood memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((Hello hello welcome back to another installment of suffering.
> 
> This week we get to look at Reginald's Father of the Year skills!))
> 
> TW: This chapter contains references/discussions of abuse and violence towards children. As always, know your limits and stay safe!

Five lay awake in the dark long after Klaus had left, mind reeling. He continued to replay the conversation with his brother, trying to process what he’d been told. The thought that Klaus had been in the same situation, had experienced the same terror sent waves of hot anger and despair through Five. 

Klaus had only been in the situation because he’d had no one else to turn to. Ben was dead because Five was gone. If he hadn’t run away Number 6 wouldn’t have died, Five was sure of it. And then Klaus never would have gone out, never would have been attacked. 

_Just another thing you’ve fucked up_ , his mind growled.

Leaving his family in a fit of teenage rage had had more dire consequences than Five could’ve imagined. They’d fallen apart. They’d been hurt. They’d _died_.

_It’s your fault_ , the dark voice taunted. _Everything that’s happened to them has been your fault_.

_You made a mistake,_ the soft voice tried to whisper. _But you fixed it. You came back and saved them_.

_It’s not enough_ , the angry voice declared. Five knew it spoke the truth.

After staring at the wall for what felt like hours Five finally felt his eyelids growing heavy. Even though he’d slept so long already, his body was still weak. It needed more rest. Five wiggled on the bed, pulling the thick comforter over himself and burrowed deep into its folds. With a heavy sigh he snuggled into his pillow and let the darkness claim him again.

Five was halfway down the stairs when a voice from the bottom called out to him.

“Five, there you are! Come on, everyone’s waiting,” Allison said warmly.

_They’re waiting?_

“Come along, Five, dear.”

“Yes, hold on. I’m coming,” Five said as he came to meet her at the bottom of the stairs.

She reached out and looped her arm through his, guiding him towards the parlor. Her skin was pleasantly warm and Five leaned into the touch.

“Where are we going?” he asked as she led him through the foyer.

“Your party of course! Don’t you remember, dear?” she said gently.

_His party?_

They rounded the corner and he found the rest of his family scattered about the parlor. Klaus was making drinks at the bar while Luther and Diego were conversing by the fireplace. Vanya rose from her spot on the couch as he entered, the others turning towards him with smiles.

“Oh Five, there you are!” Vanya cried happily as she came to envelop him in a soft hug. She was warm as well and Five melted into her arms.

“Looks like we can get the party started!” Klaus came from the bar to hand Five a frosty brown bottle. 

He stared at the drink, the light shining off the condensation. 

“What is this?” 

“It’s root beer. Your favorite. Drink it,” Luther said, coming up close behind him. Five could feel the warmth on his back.

_I don’t... I don’t want to_.

“I don’t want to,” Five murmured.

The others frowned. 

“Five you have to. You’ll ruin the party,” Diego demanded. “We just want to have fun. We want you to feel good.” He was close now too, warmth radiating from his body.

_Something is wrong_.

“I don’t…” he began but Allison interrupted. 

“Don’t be rude, Five dear. It’s a gift. Drink it. You’ll feel better,” she said softly as she pet his head, fingers running through his hair.

“I don’t like this Mom, somethings… “

Luther’s massive hand landed heavily on his shoulder. “Drink. It.” 

Diego stepped forward, grabbing Five’s chin and pressing the bottle to his lips.

“Drink it. You’re gonna feel so good baby,” he crooned, eyes dark.

Five tried to pull away but Vanya and Klaus reached out too, holding him still. They were pressing him down, he could feel all of their hands on him. Five felt like he was slipping down.

_Stuck._

_Hands._

_Pushing, holding, tight._

_Trapped._

**_TRAPPED._ **

Five awoke abruptly, chest heaving, sweating. He struggled with the blanket wrapped around him, tightening it as he twisted and turned. Eventually squirming free he hit the floor with a dull thud, scrambling across the wood and away from the bed. His eyes twitched around the dark until rational thought kicked back in.

_No one’s here, you idiot. It’s just your blankets. Fucking pathetic_.

Five shook his head, a sharp noise bursting from his chest. 

_Fool_.

His heart was pounding in overdrive and he could feel his bangs sticking to his sweat-soaked forehead. Five sat still for a few moments, trying to catch his breath.

_It wasn’t real. They wouldn’t… they_ **_wouldn’t_ **.

“It wasn’t real,” he whispered to the dark room, as if speaking it into existence made it true. 

He sought out the clock on his bedside table, bleary eyes struggling to decipher the numbers. 4:13 a.m. shone back at him in the dark. He hadn’t been asleep very long, but he doubted sleep would come back for him. With a sigh he gathered himself up off the floor, making his way back to the bed. He stripped the comforter back and sat on the edge, placing his head in his hands. 

“What the fuck am I gonna do?” he sighed to himself, despondent. 

A growl from his stomach reminded Five he hadn’t eaten since yesterday morning. Knowing sleep was out of the question he figured he may as well enjoy some coffee and a snack. Five stood, clenching his fists, and blinked down into the kitchen. 

He was lucky. With the late hour everyone appeared to have gone to bed and he had the room to himself. There was no way he wanted to explain his ruffled appearance or the nightmare that had roused him. 

Moving around the kitchen Five started the coffee machine, loading his favorite Columbian blend before heading to the pantry. He grabbed the essentials, building a sandwich as the soft beep alerted him the coffee was ready. Pouring himself a steaming mug Five returned to the table. The sweetness of the peanut butter and marshmallows made him feel a little ill, so he downed the first cup of bitter black quickly to chase the taste from his tongue. 

He blinked to the counter to pour another mug, but missed by a few inches, bumping his hip into the counter. The boy hissed at the pain against his bruised skin and looked around, bewildered. 

_Did I make a mistake?_ He wondered, glancing at the floor to see if something had been in his way. 

Seeing nothing that could have hindered him, he looked to his fists, questioning. His body was still tired it seemed, but the drugs should have left his system by now. There was no reason for his powers to fail him again. The thought of losing his control again filled Five’s veins with ice. 

He’d lost control of them before from overexertion, when he’d been engaged with a particularly tough enemy or multiple assailants. But they’d never been _taken_ from him before, stripped away to leave him raw and defenseless. Five shuddered at the memory, at the overwhelming helplessness that had drowned him. It’d been like losing a limb, a phantom pain in his veins.

_You were weak_ , that voice said. _You_ **_are_ ** _weak_.

It was right. Right now he wouldn’t be able to hold his own in a fight. He wouldn’t be able to take down an attacker. He needed to train and grow stronger. Lazing around in the kitchen wasn’t doing him any favors. Downing another cup of coffee the boy shook himself out and blinked down into the training room. 

He hadn’t been down in the basement in ages, not counting his time in the medical bay. Five felt along the wall for the switch, flicking it on and flooding the room in light. He winced as the fluorescents burned his eyes and took a moment to adjust before scanning the room. It was dusty from misuse and stacked with all manner of objects.

Luther was the last one to stay in the house with their father, so his weights were piled up in the center, waiting for him to return. Along the back wall stood several human-shaped targets, deep knicks in the wood from Diego’s knives. There were various gym machines along the opposite wall including treadmills, ellipticals, and leg presses. 

Reginald had placed great emphasis on general fitness so they’d each been expected to spend two hours of training every day completing a set number of reps he’d assigned. Allison, Klaus, and Five had spent the most time on those. With their small frames they’d all needed to increase their stamina. Luther and Diego were already bulky with muscle and Ben was surprisingly toned in his own way. 

Reginald would let Vanya join them downstairs, keeping her at his side as a scribe, dictating notes on the others times and performance. He’d barked orders at her constantly, but it was apparent the girl was just happy to be involved in any way.

Five shook his head at the memory. He should have tried harder for Vanya, fought for her more. He always tried to acknowledge his sister despite their father's orders, taking the time to talk to her when she came down despite knowing he’d be punished for it. The others weren’t cruel per se, but they didn’t make as much of an effort. They’d been caught up in their own lives and hadn’t wanted to risk the wrath of their father. 

They’d all had their roles to play. Luther, the ever-loyal soldier. Diego, always angry and always second best. Allison, the media darling. Klaus, the tormented screwup. Ben, too kind with too much blood on his hands. Vanya, a ghost in her own family.

Five rebelled against Reginald in a lot of ways, constantly questioning his methods, his teachings, his authority. His siblings rarely did anything to challenge their father and simply accepted whatever befell them. Five had felt it was his duty to at least try and protect them. He was trained to be a hero for god’s sake, and that’s what heroes _did_. 

Five knew what buttons to push and the most effective ways to provoke their father's anger. As long as Reginald was punishing Five, the others were spared. Even Vanya. _Especially_ Vanya. Five refused to play along with Reginald’s mind games, for no matter what the punishment was, the soft smile on his sister’s face was _always_ worth it. 

Lost in his memories, Five hadn’t realized he’d made his way to the back wall, standing next to the third wooden figure. He reached a hand out to the wall and felt for the edge of the hidden panel. Finding it, he pried open the piece of plaster and grasped the latch, wood creaking as it unlocked. 

The door groaned as Five pushed it open. Nearly twenty years of disuse made the task difficult, but eventually the frame gave way and swung open. His fingers found the switch and bathed the room in light. 

Platforms of various heights and shapes decorated the room: tall, wide, short, narrow, flat, pointed. This had been his special training room during his time at the Academy. His father had made him blink about the room in quick movements, barking out orders of where he wanted the boy to jump. The timing and landings had had to be impeccable, or Reginald would make him run the course again. 

Some of the landing platforms were only an inch wide. Five had needed to land precisely on his toes and maintain that balance. None of the heights were too extreme, the tallest just above 6ft. But the threat from falling off wasn’t in the height, it was the floor itself. 

The panels covering the space were electrified, powerful currents coursing through them. Reginald would stand at the front on a safety platform, protected from the danger. If Five slipped and made contact a body numbing shock would burn through him, singeing his skin. His father would heighten the current if Five had been particularly difficult that day. 

One time it’d given the boy second-degree burns on his hands and knees. Reginald hadn’t allowed Grace to treat the wounds, telling Five it was a lesson. The painful blistering of his skin would be a reminder of his failings, his inadequacies. 

Five glanced around, looking to see if the control panel was still there. He spotted it by his father's usual place and blinked forward. Fingers pressing the buttons, a soft hum filled the room indicating the power was still active. Twisting the knob, Five set the current to a medium flow, not enough to burn but enough to hurt. 

His father was right, he needed to learn. He was weak. Inadequate. 

Taking a breath, Five focused on a platform and clenched his fists, letting the blue glow overtake him. 

He hit his mark. 

Blinked again.

Again.

Again.

The next blink wasn’t so lucky, slightly off-center on one of the narrower platforms. His heels hung off the edge and he wobbled, losing balance and plummeting down to the floor. The sting was immediate and sharp. A gasp tore from his lungs and he clenched his fists quickly, sending himself sprawling across a wide platform. He lay there for a moment, catching his breath. 

_Pathetic_ , the voice in his head said, disgust evident. _Pathetic little baby. Weak child._

Five stood quickly and blinked again. He couldn’t afford to wallow in his misery, he needed to work on his powers and improve. 

He flitted about the room, faster and faster, blinking away the second his feet touched a platform. He was beginning to sweat and pant with exertion. His body wasn’t ready for the effort, but he had no choice. He hadn’t been ready the other night either. Look where it had gotten him. 

Five fell a few more times as he trained. He welcomed the sharp burst of pain and used it to fuel him further and further. He had no idea how long he’d been down there, flying across the room. His legs were becoming jelly while his steps became wobbly. His bangs stuck to his face. He panted like a dog, his lungs pumping hard. 

It wasn’t enough. He needed to be faster, more precise.

Five knew he’d fucked up as soon as the glow of yet another jump enveloped him. It was staticky, flickering and chaotic. His muscles cramped. His body popped out into the open air. He landed sideways against the platform, the sharp edge knocking the wind from him as he flopped bonelessly down to the floor. 

The current blazed through his body ruthlessly, his muscles seizing, nerves frying. He choked out a curse, struggling pitifully against the burning shock. His stomach flipped and he vomited, dark coffee and the remains of his sandwich spilling out. There was a sudden flurry of movement to his right, but his eyes couldn’t focus, barely able to make out the dark shape approaching. 

“Oh fuck, FUCK!” a voice yelled, booming through the room.

A pair of large hands gripped his frame and lifted up the squirming boy. Without the current flowing through him Five’s muscles turned to goo, body flopping as he was carted away. 

After a second he was back on the floor, settled on the safety of the wood paneling. Luther’s face swam into his vision. The man’s features were twisted into a grimace, but his eyes were wide in concern. His mouth was moving, but it took a second for the ringing in Five’s ears to stop so he could comprehend the words.

“...ve? Five? Are you okay?”

Five took a breath and shut his eyes. “Stop yelling you neanderthal, I’m fine,” he bit out.

Luther sighed in relief before bombarding the boy with questions. “What are you doing down here? What is this place? Why is the floor electrified?”

Five held up a hand to silence his brother. “Just give me a fucking second ok?” he groaned, wiping the vomit from his face the best he could.

Luther was silent, but his eyes were sharp on Five.

“I couldn’t sleep. Went to the kitchen, made a snack, had some coffee. Wasn’t gonna sleep, thought I might as well train some.” Five gestured around them. “This is my training room. Dad built this one for me, for my powers.” 

“I never knew this was here,” Luther said as he looked around.

“The old man certainly loved his secrets,” Five said bitterly.

“What’s up with the floor?” Luther asked, turning his gaze back to his small brother.

Five sighed. “If I miscalculate a blink I fall off and get shocked. It’s to keep me on my feet and moving.”

Luther looked horrified. “He _electrocuted_ you?”

“Yeah, well, we all know gentle wasn’t a word in his dictionary. He wanted to keep me motivated. No pain, no gain I guess,” Five said with a sigh.

“Jesus… I knew he was rough with us, but I never… I didn’t…” Luther trailed off. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry it took me so long to see him for what he really was. I should have protected you all better. Some Number One I am,” the man said bitterly.

Five narrowed his eyes as he glared at his brother. “I don’t _need_ your protection, Luther. I didn’t then and I certainly don’t now,” he spit, bristling at his brother's words.

Luther gaped at him, mouth wide. “I wasn’t. I didn’t mean it like that. I just… I guess I just wish I’d been there for you more. I did everything he told me because… well, because I thought he was right. Thought he knew best. But I was wrong. I was so wrong. And you all suffered for it. Klaus, with his ghosts. Vanya, with… well, with everything. And you…” 

Luther looked at the ground. “You were always looking out for everyone else. I didn’t see it then. I just thought you were being a little shit, always riling dad up.”

Five was quiet, swallowing heavily around the lump in his throat.

“I could never understand why you didn’t just listen to him, but now… I can’t understand how I did. Damnit, I was so fucking blind,” Luther moaned, rubbing a hand across his face.

“You were just a kid, Luther. It’s not your fault,” Five said, tone soft. 

He wasn’t enjoying this trip down memory lane, but clearly Luther needed it. 

Luther fidgeted, looking down at his hands. “No. I should have been better. I was the _leader_. I was supposed to… “ He sighs. “Sorry. This isn’t about me.”

He turned his eyes to meet Five’s, red rimming the edges, moisture waiting to spill out.

“It’s our turn now, okay? Please let us help you. Let us take care of you. Please, Five,” Luther begged. 

Five sat frozen for a moment, lost in that pitiful gaze. Luther was trying and reaching out. Something held Five back. 

_Why can’t they understand how I’ve failed them? How I’ve broken them? I haven’t earned this love._

Five scoffed and turned away, bringing his knees up and leaning onto them.

Luther deflated. The quiet became oppressive and Five could no longer stand the tension. He looked at his brother, the large man hunched over, defeat in his eyes. Three angry red scratches marred his cheek.

_I did that_ , Five thought. _I never stop hurting them._

“I’m sorry about your face,” Five said. 

Luther grinned. “Ah it’s fine. I’ve had worse.” The smile dropped. “I shouldn’t have grabbed you like that,” he mumbled, rubbing a hand to the back of his head. “You’d just woken up, of course you were disoriented. It was my bad.”

“Still,” Five insisted. “I’d never hurt you on purpose. I’m sorry.”

Luther smiled at him, warm, full of love. “You wanna go upstairs? Get cleaned up?” 

Five nodded and tried to get to his feet, muscles struggling. Luther reached out a hand and held it still in the air, like Klaus had. Not grabbing him, but just offering. It was Five’s choice to take it.

He did.

His brother hauled him up in one fluid motion and Five stumbled forward, unprepared for the rush of blood to his head. 

Luther, big, kind, stupid Luther reached out and wrapped his arms around Five, completely enveloping him in a hug.

Time froze.

A large body, heat like a furnace, holding him, crushing him, swallowing him alive.

Trapped.

**_Trapped_ **. 

Adrenaline rushed through Five as all air left his lungs. One hand came up for a strike to the throat. Another to the side, a sharp jab to the kidney. Drop to the floor, roll, sweep the leg.

Luther hit the ground like a sack of bricks, gasping in shock and pain.

Five blinked to the nearest platform, gaining the high ground. He panted, wound tight and ready to spring like a feral cat.

“What the _fuck_ , Five?” Luther yelled, sitting up. His eyes landed on his brother and whatever he saw must have frightened him. His face dropped, hands lifting in a placating gesture.

“Hey… hey, it’s okay. You’re okay,” Luther said without moving from his spot on the ground.

Realizing what had happened, a fierce blush of embarrassment burned across Five’s face. 

_You never change. You’re always hurting them,_ the dark voice reminded him.

Luther made to stand, but Five couldn’t face him again. He’d ruined it, whatever little peace they’d just made.

  
With a pained growl, Five blinked out of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((As always thank you so so much for your comments on the last chapter!! Hearing from y'all really warms my heart <3
> 
> As I'm sure you've noticed, each time I post a chapter the total number of chapters seems to go up by one ;p
> 
> Well, I think I can safely say now this story will be capped out at 12 chapters! I'm still trying to post at least 1 chapter a week so please be sure to bookmark if you'd like to be notified when I update <3))


	8. The Light Behind Your Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feeling like he has nothing left to lose, Five revisits an idea he'd long abandoned in the apocalypse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((Hiiiii I'm so sorry for the big gap in between chapters!
> 
> I recently got a new job so editing has been a little slow :(
> 
> You may have noticed but the tags have been updated because of some of the content in this chapter so please be on the lookout!
> 
> Also this chapter switches into the perspective of another character at one point, but I've tried to mark it clearly with a little ~~~~))
> 
> TW: This chapter includes discussions/references to self-harm and suicidal ideations. As always, know your limits and stay safe!!

Five found himself in the bathroom again, staring at his reflection in the mirror. He still didn’t recognize himself. Some frightened creature looked back at him, eyes empty and flesh bruised. He felt like something that had crawled away and left only this empty husk behind. 

He stripped off his vomit-covered sweater and tossed it somewhere on the floor to deal with later. He’d take it down to the laundry himself so no one else had to see it. 

_What does it matter? Luther’s going to tell everyone about what happened. How you freaked out like a little bitch,_ the dark voice inside taunted.

The soft voice was silent.

He’d embarrassed himself enough as it was, first during the events of the other night and now with his brother. At least he could blame his earlier behavior on the drugs he’d been given, although he’d been a fool to take the tampered drink in the first place. Everything that had happened after the drugs had worn off had been on him, even more so. 

Poor, stupid, kind Luther had tried his best, opening his heart to Five. Trying to make amends for the sins of the father he’d been complacent to. It hadn’t really been his fault. He was easily manipulated by any kind of affection and Reginald had used that to his full advantage. 

Luther had been trying to reach Five the best way he knew how. And Five had basically spit in his face.

Same with Klaus. His brother had opened up to him. He’d shared with him one of the most painful events of his life. Cracked open his chest and pulled out his heart, shown it to Five so he would know he wasn’t alone. And Five had told him to leave. 

“I’m a real piece of shit, huh?” the boy murmured to himself, running a hand down his face. It came back sticky, reminding him of the grime he was coated in.

Five sighed and grabbed a washcloth from the linen cabinet, making his way back to the sink. After the water began to run warm he wet it, using the damp fabric to clean the vomit, sweat, and tears from his face.

His head had begun to pound again, cotton pressure swelling, filling every nook and cranny. His side ached fiercely from where he’d slammed into the platform.

Five began shifting through the cabinet’s contents for the aspirin. With so many people using one bathroom the shelves were overflowing, making it hard to locate the bottle of white pills. As he placed a hand on a small box to move it, a sudden sharp pain had him drawing back with a hiss.

Five stared at the bright blood welling up from a cut across his palm before turning back to the cabinet, reaching in carefully to find the object in question. A small silver blade poking out of the box glinted at him. Luther hadn’t properly sealed the pack last time he’d used the razors, leaving the sharp metal exposed.

Five studied the blade, turning it in his fingers. Light glinted off the silver metal, the crimson smear gleaming under the fluorescents.

He ran his thumb lightly across the edge and watched the flesh part in a thin line, his pale skin giving way to darkening blood.

He’d considered it before, during his time in the apocalypse. He’d fucked up while gathering supplies and injured himself badly. He was out of food, out of water, and out of hope. Five had laid there in the dirt and decay and thought about the easy way out.

He’d been wounded. He’d been tired. He’d been desperately alone.

Reginald’s voice in his head scolding him. _Failure. Disgrace. Disappointment._

That ever-present voice urging Five to give in. _Just one little cut and you’re free. It’ll all be over. You’ll be with_ **_them_ ** _again._

He’d considered his pale wrist then just as he considered it now. One simple action, the quick rendering of a blade, and he’d be free of this storm inside him. The guilt. The anger. The humiliation. _Gone._

 _It’d be so easy_ , the dark voice said. _Just one swipe and you’re free. No more_ **_pain_ ** _. No more_ **_emptiness_ ** _._

 **_No_ ** , the other voice cried. _You_ **_can’t_ ** _. You can’t do that to them_.

 _You’d be doing them a favor,_ the dark voice argued. _How long do you think they’re going to put up with this behavior? They can hardly tolerate you now. You_ **_disgust_ ** _them._

 _You’re an embarrassment,_ came his father's voice. _Unworthy_ . _A failure_ . _A_ **_mistake_ **.

No. One of them would have to deal with his body and Five could never be that cruel. He knew what it felt like to bury one’s sibling.

With a sigh he turned on the sink, intending to wash his blood from the blade before returning it to its rightful place.

The creak of the bathroom door opening stopped him in his tracks.

Vanya stood in the doorway rubbing sleep from her eyes. Five whirled to face her and she startled at the movement.

“Mmn oh I’m sorry, didn’t realize anyone was in here,” she murmured groggily. 

Five stood frozen by her sudden appearance. 

Vanya’s eyes searched him and opened wide, her jaw dropping in shock.

Five followed her eyes down to the silver blade in his hand, the bright red dripping from his flesh.

“FIVE! Oh no… oh no no no,” she exclaimed, hurrying to his side.

The movement restarted him and he turned to toss the object into the sink, raising his other hand to placate his terrified sister.

“Hey hey it’s okay, I didn’t use it. It was an accident. I was putting it back,” he said, raising his palm to show her the small cut.

Vanya looked stricken, eyes darting from the wound to the metal in the sink to Five’s eyes. Her breathing was harsh, gasping. 

“Why… why would you… why would you even have that? Were you going to use it? Oh god oh god… Five please… please…” she fumbled, words catching in her throat in panic. 

“Vanya!” Five cried, startling his sister into silence. “It’s okay. I was putting it back when you came in. I accidentally cut my hand, I didn’t do it on purpose, okay? Breathe,” he said in a firm tone.

Vanya’s breathing slowed but her eyes were still terrified, tears welling up in the hazel depths. It struck Five’s heart like a bolt of lightning. He hated seeing her like this, with fear and sadness clouding her. 

_You did this_ , that voice said from somewhere in his brain. It kept getting louder. _Sweet, kind-hearted Vanya. Look at what you’ve done to her. Monster._

It killed him to hurt Vanya in any way. Most of his childhood had been spent protecting her, saving her from their father’s words, keeping this look out of her eyes. Now he’d been the one that put it there.

Vanya reached out tentatively, hands hovering but not touching.

“I believe you,” she began, tone even despite the wild look in her eyes. “But why did you take it out in the first place?”

Five looked down, brain in overdrive, trying to figure out how to fix things.

 _Not the truth. I can’t, it’s too much for her. She’ll tell the others_.

He opened his mouth but whatever lie he was prepared to tell died on his tongue at the look in her eyes.

“Five,” Vanya called softy.

“I was just… I was looking for something else and Luther,” his heart clenched slightly as he mentioned his brother. Swallowing hard, Five continued. “Luther left the lid off. It nicked me so I took it out to clean it.” His eyes shifted around the room, unable to look at her for more than a moment. “That’s all.”

Vanya's eyes were wide. Her hands trembled. "Five, you... you wouldn't…” she paused, taking in a shaky breath. “Were you going to use it?"

He was exhausted. He was tired of fighting them. Of fighting everything. He’d hurt his sister, he’d hurt his brothers, he’d been hurting his whole damn family. And here was Vanya, begging, pleading in front of him and he couldn’t find it in him to fight anymore. 

“I don’t know,” he whispered. “I was thinking about it.”

Her face crumpled and she squeezed her eyes shut, tears falling.

“Vanya.” Five reached out, hesitant. After a moment he followed through, gently wiping at her cheek. “I’m sorry...”

Vanya opened her eyes, stared into his. Determination shining back at him.

“It’s okay. It’s okay, Five.” She let out a deep sigh. “We need to talk about some things, okay? Can you come with me? Just us, I just want to tell you something. I won’t make you talk anymore.”

Five nodded slowly. It was Vanya, what choice did he really have?

He followed his sister down the hall past the others rooms, taking a left at the end. Vanya’s old room no longer existed after Klaus had done some “remodeling” and knocked down the separating wall to expand his own bedroom.

The siblings had worked together to renovate a new space for their sister, a small bedroom to sleep in on nights she stayed at the academy. Luther had knocked down the wall between two large storage closets, creating a space just big enough for a small single bed and side table. 

The others had tried to convince her to take a nicer, larger room upstairs in the guest quarters but Vanya had refused. She preferred to be in the same space as her siblings, even if she was further down the hall. 

Vanya still liked to have her own space, spending most nights in her own apartment, but she often came to the academy on her off days. She’d kept her personal apartment as she needed a private place to continue her violin lessons with her younger clientele. 

Once they’d made their way to the room Vanya took a seat at one end of the bed, gesturing for Five to sit at the other to give the boy some space. She’d calmed down from her earlier panic, but a grim determination had settled over her. It was something Five hadn’t seen from his sister before.

Taking a deep breath, Vanya looked up at him. Her posture was stiff, hands clenched tightly in the fabric of her pajamas.

“I know you don’t want to talk about… what happened. I know you want to pretend everything is normal but… well… it’s not.” Vanya’s knuckles were turning white from the tension. 

“I’m worried about you. I’m not gonna force you to talk, but I want you to know that I’m here for you. You’re my brother. I will always be here for you,” she said solemnly.

Five looked away, guilt eating at him.

“I’m sorry I panicked earlier,” his sister continued. “It was scary to find you like that. But I do believe you… that you weren’t planning to hurt yourself.”

She fell silent, face contemplative. After a beat she sighed, body relaxing.

“There’s something I want to tell you about, something I haven’t told the others yet,” Vanya said softly.

Five looked up sharply. The last time a sibling had wanted to tell him something it had been Klaus sharing his similar close call.

 _No Vanya… please, please not Vanya_ , he thought, heart pounding.

“It was one of the reasons I started therapy in the first place. I was having problems and I knew that I was a danger to myself, that I needed to talk to someone professionally,” she admitted.

Slowly Vanya rolled up the sleeve of her plaid shirt, turning her arm towards Five to reveal a thin pink scar near the crux of her elbow.

Five blinked at it, brain slow to process.

“A few years ago I tried to kill myself,” his sister confessed as her eyes shifted away from Five’s.

Five’s heart stopped, gaze frozen on the scar.

“I’m fine now, it’s been years. It was only the one time. I panicked right after, wrapped it up, and called to make an appointment the next day,” she said with a somber smile. “I was in a really dark place. It was a year after my book came out and interest had started to drop. I’d had so much attention when it first came out; signings, book tours, reading events. It was exciting but then… it just stopped. I was back to being just Vanya, ordinary Vanya.”

Five opened his mouth to interrupt her, but she held up a hand to silence him.

“Please let me finish,” she asked.

Five closed his mouth with a snap, his teeth clicking together. He’d wanted to reassure Vanya and try to offer her comfort. It’d been a knee-jerk reaction, but now he was unsure of what he would even say. 

“I’d left the academy a few years before, the rest of us barely talked at that point. Then my book came out and everything just got worse. They were so mad, so hurt by the things I’d written.”

“I think part of me wanted to hurt them. It’d been so painful growing up in this house. I wanted them to understand how it had been for me, growing up here, with _him_ ,” Vanya said, a slight sneer on her face at the mention of their father.

“So I just spilled out everything I’d kept inside. Every dirty little secret. I felt like I was finally _free_.” Her eyes shifted away. “I just never considered the consequences.”

“I hurt our family for my own sake. It wasn’t right. I do regret it. But I couldn’t take it back. Everyone stopped talking to me. Allison berated me for messing with her career. Diego left angry messages for me every day for a week and didn’t talk to me at all afterwards. Luther answered the phone one time and told me never to call again.”

Five couldn’t find any words, staring at his sister.

_It’s because I left. Everything that’s happened to her… to them… it’s my fault. I’m never going to stop ruining this family… am I?_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Vanya looked over to her brother as she spoke, taking in his rough appearance. His green eyes were unfocused and hollow, lacking their usual light.

_He’s getting into his head again. He’s probably blaming himself._

She knew how Five was when it came to their lives after he’d gone. The boy had made one simple mistake in a fit of hormonal teenage rage and had been paying for it his entire life. Vanya knew he blamed himself for how they’d all fallen apart after he’d gone, how Ben had died, how she’d been further isolated. It was obvious in the way he talked, the way he acted when things from before his return were brought up.

It was painful to watch Five tear himself apart over it, but it hurt even more to know his beliefs weren’t entirely wrong.

She definitely had been influenced by her brother’s departure. Losing Five had been like losing a limb. Of course she’d had her other siblings, but they’d been caught up in their own lives and never wanted to challenge the status quo very much. 

They’d had their moments, of course. Allison bringing her into her room to style her hair, Klaus painting her toenails so Reginald wouldn’t see, Ben lending her a book he liked. But at the end of the day, Five had been her backbone. Without him she had crumbled.

So had the others.

Luther had become more of a lapdog, eager to please, to prove he wasn’t like their foolish brother.

Diego had become angrier, pricklier. He trained harder than all of them, throwing himself into practice and honing his skills.

Allison became more invested in her media appearances, taking the lead on all press events, scheduling photoshoots and interviews.

Klaus began to dabble with harder substances, graduating from small joints to multicolored pills.

Ben had grown quieter, more withdrawn. He’d begun struggling more with the Horror, but kept it to himself.

Losing him had been the final straw for the family, the thing that truly broke what was left of them.

Five had always blamed himself for that as well. Stating if he hadn’t left when he did Ben wouldn't have died on that mission. If he had been there, he would have stopped it.

Sometimes Vanya wondered if he was right.

Looking at him now, eyes hollow, lost inside his own head Vanya was struck by just how much guilt must live inside the boy. He seemed to blame himself for every single little thing that ever occurred with the family, as if he had personally caused it. He was like Atlus, trying to take the entire world onto those scrawny shoulders, being crushed under the weight but refusing to budge. He ran himself ragged constantly, rarely sleeping, living off of coffee. 

Five seemed to be in a strange limbo since the apocalypse had been averted. Once the threat of the Commission and total planetary annihilation was off their backs Five had seemed so lost, so unsure of himself. He’d spent nearly his entire life in a constant state of action, always needing to plan, to work, to fix, to fight. 

Vanya and Allison had taken the lead in the post-apocalypse “fix Five” plan the family had decided was desperately needed. He was always softer with his sisters and they could often convince him to settle down for a bit and eat some real food, drink water, and actually get a few hours of sleep. 

Things had improved greatly over the past few months, especially in the past few weeks. Five had certainly become less grumpy and standoffish. The boy grew more animated, often popping into the parlor or kitchen to excitedly explain a new metaphysical equation or theory he’d discovered to whoever was present. 

He was adjusting to regular life. 

Lately he’d taken to following Diego out on his night patrols, helping protect little old ladies from purse-snatchers and thwarting convenience store robberies. 

They’d thought it would be good for Five, letting him work out some latent aggression on a few harmless lowlifes. The family was under no illusions of Five’s abilities and combat skills, having witnessed him go toe-to-toe with multiple Commission agents with ease. 

They had been so stupid.

Vanya had come running the second she’d received the call. Allison’s desperate voice, clouded with tears telling her she needed to come home right away, that something had happened to Five.

She couldn’t believe what her sister had shared when she’d arrived, that Five had been drugged and attacked and nearly…

But when she’d stood in the medical bay and looked at the tiny body in front of her, bruised to hell and unconscious, Vanya had been filled with despair. He’d always seemed so untouchable, a force of nature that couldn’t be pinned down. 

There was no way he was going to want to talk about it with them. For all his improvements Five was still so headstrong and aloof. Vanya was afraid any effort to help him was going to be met with his signature cold hostility.

She hated being right. 

All she wanted was to wrap her arms around her small brother and make him feel safe. Because of some stranger, Five could no longer bear casual affection. 

But she was not a quitter. Not anymore.

 _He needs you_ , she told herself _. You can’t give up. Be strong_.

Vanya took a breath and turned back towards her brother.

“Five,” she said to catch his attention. “I know what you’re thinking, but what I just told you about, that’s not your fault.”

He looked startled, mouth dropping open to deny her statement, but Vanya cut him off.

"Please don't," she said, her tone gentle but her voice firm. "I know what you're thinking, Five. But I made my own choices. If you're gonna blame someone, blame Dad." Under her breath, she added, "Feels like everything's his fault."

She smiled at him softly, trying to convey all the love she had in her heart for her brother.

“You have always been one of the best parts of my life, Five. You’ve made everything so much better. Don’t blame yourself for other people’s problems. You’re not responsible for us. I know you care, and you love us. And we love you too, so so much.”

She sighed, reaching out to place her hand in the middle of the bed, palm up.

Five stared at it wide-eyed.

“We just want to help you, like you’ve always helped us. You can’t always do everything yourself. Please let us take care of you,” Vanya said warmly.

The two sat in silence for a few moments, Vanya holding her breath and Five still staring at her open hand.

Then Five inched his hand forward, fingertips very lightly brushing against hers. He was barely touching her, but it was something at least.

“Ok,” he murmured, voice small. “I’ll try.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((Hoo boy this was a dark chapter big yikes
> 
> We've got a little longer down in hell but I promise we're gonna get some sunbeams soon!!
> 
> Biggest shout out to my amazing, wonderful, talented beta GwendolynStacy for helping with this chapter. She keeps me from going insane in this dark pit <3
> 
> As always thank you so so much for reading and supporting this story. I never expected this one-shot I was terrified to post would grow into what it is now. I love reading your comments and sharing this experience with you <3
> 
> Speaking of one-shot's, there was a lot of extra material in this chapter that I ended up cutting out BUT I will be repackaging it into a piece to go along with this one! I hope you will consider reading it as well))


	9. Disenchanted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feeling betrayed by his well-meaning siblings, Five finds comfort in an unexpected visitor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((Hi wow long time no see!
> 
> My deepest apologies for the nearly month-long gap this turned into :/
> 
> I started a new job, which is great yay money, but it took longer than I thought to get settled there and I genuinely haven't had enough time to focus on this story. But I promise this is not abandoned and is definitely getting finished!!
> 
> Thanks so much for sticking with me, I hope you enjoy!!))
> 
> TW: This chapter includes references to attempted sexual assault. As always, please know your limits and stay safe!

Once Vanya had seemed satisfied that he wasn’t a danger to himself, she’d walked Five back to his room so he could rest. 

It was barely 8 am, but Five was exhausted. Between the training, his confrontation with Luther, the razor, and his talk with Vanya, Five had depleted whatever energy his few hours of sleep had bought him.

He’d collapsed back onto his bed bonelessly, letting Vanya tuck the blankets around him. He’d been a little embarrassed at the childish treatment, but knew it was more for her benefit than his. 

After Vanya had left, Five turned over to stare at the ceiling, thinking over what his sister had told him earlier.

The thought that Vanya had ever been in enough pain to consider taking her own life had shaken him to his core.

She’d tried to tell him it wasn’t his fault, but in his heart he knew it was. He’d run and she’d been left to the cruel hands of their father. Without him to stand up for her, Vanya had been vulnerable, unprotected. The others had folded to Reginald’s demands, too weak to stand against him. Sweet Vanya had been left to the wolves.

Just like Ben.

Five knew if he’d stayed his brother wouldn’t have died. Five would have noticed things were wrong before they got too far, seen that Ben was struggling with his powers. He wouldn’t have been left vulnerable on that mission, unprotected. He wouldn’t have died. Their family would have stayed whole.

Vanya had tried so hard to convince him it hadn't been his fault, but Five knew that it wasn't true. 

_ If she really knew you, she wouldn’t want to save you, _ the ever-present voice mocked.  _ She just sees the surface. She doesn’t see the monster. What you truly are. _

“I know,” Five whispered to himself.

His family had suffered so much because of him and Five wondered if he could ever truly make it up to them. Killing himself wasn’t the answer, he knew that. It would inflict even more pain on his siblings and Five could never be that selfish. 

He’d considered running away, removing himself from their lives without the pain of his death. But it was a foolish thought. Where would he go, especially looking like this? As much as he loathed to admit it, he was a child in more than just his body.

When he'd jumped to 2019, reality had recreated his physical form from the moment he'd first time traveled at age 13. His 58-year-old consciousness had manifested alongside his 13-year-old brain, mashing the two together.

He could remember all his days in the apocalypse, his time at the Commission, and the people he’d killed. But he also vividly remembered his childhood. He remembered the time spent with his siblings.

The worst part of being thirteen again was having to experience the joys of puberty all over again. The influx of hormones brought about strange teenage mood swings and growing pains, along with certain…  _ urges _ .

He tried to reject that part of himself before.

His time in the apocalypse was spent dealing with more important things, he’d had no time for frivolities or self-indulgences. He’d had Delores of course, but he maintained a very respectful relationship with his wife. Five would hold her hand and spend nights curled up next to her, but their physical contact never went beyond that.

He never let anyone from the Commission close, either. All his focus was on the job, on returning to his family. The Handler had obviously been interested in entering some kind of…  _ arrangement _ with him, but Five had always turned her down. 

Distressingly, it seemed she’d become even more interested in him after his botched return had locked him into his current form. She never hesitated to put her hands on him, with possessive touches on his body and suggestive whispers in his ear. He hated that woman with every fiber of his being. It was a damn shame he hadn’t gotten to kill her himself.

Five wasn’t sure how long he stayed there, wrapped in his blankets and thoughts. The grumble in his stomach reminded him it’d been too long since he’d eaten. The sandwich from this morning didn’t count since he’d vomited it all over the training room floor. 

He distantly wondered if Luther had figured out how to turn off the floor panels downstairs. He should check on it later, make sure none of his siblings would get hurt.

While he didn’t fancy seeing any of them right now, he knew he had to try and face the music at some point. After several of them had made an effort to reach out and connect with him, Five felt he at least owed it to them to try and make an appearance. 

Wallowing around in his room would just create more tension and distress. The others would be knocking at his door any minute, trying to bond.

If he could just show up, eat some breakfast, act “normal” maybe they’d back off.

Five groaned, dragged himself out of bed and headed to his dresser. He pulled out a deep green sweater from his vast selection. Allison loved this one. She'd told him it brought out his eyes, and though he'd grumbled at the compliment, it had lured a small smile on his face regardless.

Five smoothed out his wild hair the best he could before letting out a deep sigh and blinked into the kitchen. To his surprise the room was empty. Glancing at the clock informed Five it was 10:03 am, an hour at which his siblings were usually gathered for breakfast. Shrugging, Five opened the breadbox and pulled out two slices.

After his toast was finished and buttered, Five headed to the coffee pot. He was surprised to find it half full and still warm. He was sure he’d emptied the pot this morning when he hadn’t been able to sleep. Perhaps one of his siblings had come down already and made some. Pouring what was left into his mug, Five settled at the table and munched on his breakfast, staring at the door for the arrival of another Hargreeves. 

With his toast and coffee gone and no sign of anyone else, Five figured he’d go look around. He blinked into the hallway of their living quarters, checking to see if anyone was up. He found all the doors were open with none of the occupants inside.

Five felt unease grip him.

_ Where are they? _

He blinked to the hallway balcony by Grace’s paintings, looking down over the main landing for any signs of his siblings.

Voices floated up from the parlor and relief rushed through Five.

He began to make his way down the stairs, figuring he’d approach like a real person instead of blinking in and startling them.

Luther’s booming voice stopped him in his tracks.

“No, you don’t understand! It was horrifying. I only touched it for a few seconds and it burned the shit out of me. I can’t even imagine how many volts it was. And he acted like it was nothing!”

The color drained from Five’s face.

“So he had some secret torture room set up for little Fivey? Some little BDSM dungeon?” Klaus laughed, but it was strained. “Geez, I knew Dad was a kinky freak.”

“Klaus, this is serious,” Allison scolded.

“I know it is, Allie. Our dad was a fucked up dude, just trying to lighten the mood,” Klaus said sounding admonished.

“So he  _ electrocuted _ him?” Vanya asked, horror in her voice.

“Yes,” Luther said, tone weary. “Whenever he missed a blink or something. No wonder he’s always so damn quick…” 

“Wait…” Diego interrupted. “What was he doing down there in the first place?”

“I don’t know, I think he was training. I went on my run this morning, came back to check on him and he wasn’t in his room. Noticed the light on down the hall when I checked the medical bay. Found him in that back room, just flying around.”

Luther sighed.

“He messed one up, went down hard and then just started seizing. I got him off the floor as fast as I could. He was sick, started throwing up. I tried to talk to him but you know how he is…”

“Jesus…” Allison murmured.

“So… does that have anything to do with that big ass bruise on your jaw?” Klaus asked.

“Uh… yeah…” Luther admitted sheepishly. “I tried talking to him, telling him I was there for him and I loved him and stuff. I thought it was going well but… well, I fucked up.”   


“What happened?” Diego asked, tone sharp.

“I... uh… I tried to hug him,” Luther said, embarrassed. “He freaked out, took me down in a few seconds. He looked absolutely feral. Like he wasn’t Five at all. Then he blinked out of there. I almost went after him but I figured it’d do more harm than good.”

“Fucking hell….” Klaus muttered.

“Oh Luther,” Allison sighed.

Vanya spoke up then, Five’s chest seizing up at her words.

“I... um… I have something else to tell you guys,” she began nervously.

_ How could she? _ The dark voice growled.  _ Traitor. _

_ We never said it was a secret. _ The soft voice argued.  _ They deserve to know. They can help. _

“Um… a few hours ago when I woke up… I, uh… I caught Five in the bathroom with one of Luthor’s razors. He was bleeding.”

“Oh my god!” 

“What?” 

Allison gasped as Luther cursed loudly.

“It’s okay!” Vanya continued, trying to calm them. “He’d just cut his hand by accident. He hadn’t– He didn’t– Not  _ that _ . He admitted he’d thought about it, but changed his mind and was putting it back. I believe him.”

“Shit… what the fuck are we gonna do?” Allison murmured, messing up her hair by carding a frantic hand through her curls. 

“Told you guys we should have childproofed the house when he got back,” Klaus said.

“Klaus!” Luther admonished. 

“Why didn’t you come get us?” Diego demanded, anger evident.

“Because we already sat down and talked about it. I think he was confused, but he listened to me. He understood how serious it was and I believed him when he said we don’t have to worry about it. I trust him,” Vanya explained.

“Are you serious?” Diego argued. “After what happened to him? After what happened when he woke up? You seriously trust him to be okay?”

“Yes,” Vanya said, determined.

“I believe you, Vanya,” Allison said. “If you say you trust him… then I believe you. But if you think for one second that he’s in danger you  _ will _ tell us immediately.”

“Of course,” Vanya agreed. “I promise. Honestly, I think I may have gotten through to him. He seemed open to what I was saying. He even touched my hand!”

“Oh hello, Five, dear. Are you feeling better? Would you like a cookie?” Grace asked, a warm smile on her face.

Her sudden appearance behind him startled Five, sending him stumbling down a few steps.

The voices from below went silent. 

“Five?” Allison called up. “Are you there?”

Cover blown, the boy sighed and finished his trek down the steps, pausing in the doorway.

His siblings sat clustered around the table, mugs of coffee in front of each.

“Guess my invitation got lost in the mail, huh?” Five asked, a dark edge to his voice.

They at least had the grace to look guilty.

“Look, we’re just worried about you,” Allison began, face soft.

“You know, Klaus’s intervention might have been a success, but I don’t need one,” he bit back.

“Aw thanks Fivey, your support means so much!” Klaus declared, a bright smile on his face.

His siblings were unbelievable. A laugh burst from his chest before he could stop it, the sound high and sharp like a knife.

The others were shocked, eyes wide. 

“Five…” Vanya began softly, trying to mollify him.

“Don’t,” he snapped, turning a sharp gaze to her. “I trusted you.”

Vanya looked crushed. It sent a pang through Five’s heart but he stomped it down.

“Look Five, I’m sorry. But Vanya did the right thing. We deserve to know if you’re a danger to yourself,” Allison said, holding firm.

“Oh, I’m dangerous alright,” Five spat, his face splitting into a maniacal grin. 

“Five, cal…” Luther tried.

“Don’t tell me to  _ calm down, _ Luther,” Five growled.

“Ooooh Daddy’s maaaaad,” Klaus drawled, clearly trying to diffuse the tension.

_**Daddy’s got you**. _

Five reeled back. 

“Don’t fucking say that,” he growled.

“What?” Klaus asked, confused. “You don’t like it when I call you Daddy?”

**_Let Daddy take care of you_ ** .

“Shut. The. Fuck. Up.” Five warned his brother.

“Ok, sorry, sorry,” Klaus said, putting his hands up.

Something must have registered in his tone because Allison was staring at him closely. Too closely for Five’s liking.

He glared back, trying to dissuade her from whatever she was going to say.

She didn’t heed the silent warning.

“Five… did he…” she scrunched her brow, thinking. “Did that guy say something to you?”

_**Daddy’s gonna make you feel so good**. _

His lungs seized, his breath coming out wrong.

“What?” his voice was shrill, strangled. “No! Why would you… why would you say that? No.”

Five knew he wasn’t very convincing. His other siblings were staring again, faces dropping. Pity. Despair. 

_ Pathetic little thing _ , the dark voice laughed.

“Five,” Vanya said softly. “You don’t have to tell us why, but if that’s some kind of trigger for you, we won’t say it again.”

“I’m not a depressed high school girl,” he scoffed. “I don’t have fucking  _ trigger words _ .”

“Yeah well, you kinda freaked out there for a sec,” Klaus stated plainly.

“We just want to help you. You’re not in a good place right now,” Luther declared.

“Oh, just fuck off!” Five yelled, past his limit.

He blinked away and landed back in his room, absolutely fuming.

_ How dare they? _

Having some little meeting about him like he was some kind of misbehaving school child.

_ You are a child _ , the dark voice taunted.  _ Sad little boy. _

A quiet knock on his door caught his attention and Five growled. He wasn’t going to waste any more of his time with these little “therapy” sessions his siblings kept trying to have.

It was pointless. He was fucked up, why couldn’t they all just move on? They couldn’t help him. Why did they keep trying?

_ You never gave up on them _ , the soft voice murmured.  _ They’ll never give up on you. _

“Well, they should,” Five grumbled.

The knock came again, louder this time.

“Go away!” Five yelled.

The door swung open and Five whirled to face it, a curse dying on his lips.

“... Ben?” He whispered, voice soft.

“Hey...” the young man said, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly, a gentle smile on his face.

Five could hardly believe what he was seeing. He knew Klaus had been getting better at conjuring their ghostly brother since getting sober, but it still shocked Five to see him in person.

Five craned his head, trying to spot Klaus in the vicinity.

“It’s just me,” Ben said placatingly. “I wanted to come alone. Didn’t want to overwhelm you.”

"Guess we're past playing fair, huh?" Anyone else he would have slammed the door on, but not Ben. And they all knew it.

Ben grinned and stepped into the room, shutting the door behind him. The man made his way across the room and plopped down into the chair at Five’s desk.

“Ok,” his brother began. “That was definitely shitty of us to talk about you behind your back.”

“Whatever gave you that idea?” 

“We’re not high school cheerleaders and we should have known better.”

“Yeah, you should have,” Five huffed, but there was no heat in it.

Five made his way over to his bed, dropping down with a sigh. “Alright, it’s your turn to take a crack at me. State your piece,” he announced as he crossed his arms.

“I don’t really have anything to say,” Ben said with a smile. “I just wanted to see you.”

Five was taken aback, eyebrows raising in surprise. “What?” he asked, suspicious.

“Klaus conjured me when you were unconscious so we could all talk. But I wanted to see you when you were awake. It’s been a while since we’ve talked.”

Five studied his brother, but found no evidence of deception. "So, how's the afterlife treating you?"  Five asked.

Ben raised an eyebrow. “How’s your little asshole act treating you?”

A real laugh burst out of Five, the sound rusty from disuse. “Touche.”

He’d missed this.

Back during their childhood, Reginald had been harshest with Ben. He’d berated the boy to gain better control of his powers and to realize his full potential. Five had spent a lot of nights listening to him cry through the walls, accompanied by Klaus’s soft murmurs. On nights Number Four had been gone for his training, Five would step into the role, blinking into his brother’s room with a book in hand. He’d read to Ben as the boy struggled with his demons, helping soothe the storm under his skin.

Ben had been a good brother to them all. He’d been kind and thoughtful, always willing to listen to the others’ problems and help find solutions. It was clear he hated his powers. He hated being an instrument of death. Number Six really had been the heart and soul of the Umbrella Academy. It was no wonder everything had gone to shit after they’d lost him.

Five had considered it before, trying to save Ben. He’d worked on equations for hours and days, hoping to calculate the right moment to stop his brother's demise. In his heart though, Five knew his endeavors were fruitless. Time was a messy, finicky thing; the slightest upset could have unbelievable ramifications. Five would have given almost anything to save his brother, but in the end he couldn’t take the chance. What if saving Ben ended the world again?

Five knew Ben didn’t blame him for not trying, but it didn’t stop Five from bearing the guilt. Just another stone in his pocket.

Looking at his brother now, a thought struck Five, something he’d been considering since the previous night’s events.

“Hey, Ben,” Five began. “Were you… you were in here with Klaus last night, right?”

Ben’s smile dropped, his expression turning serious. “Yeah. I was.”

Five nodded, opening his mouth to ask another question but pausing. He was unsure of how to proceed with his line of inquiry. “You’ve been with Klaus a long time, right?”

Ben tilted his head. “You want to know if I was there that night.” 

Five tensed in surprise. He should have known Ben would figure out what he was trying to get at. His brother had never been a fool.

Ben sighed before addressing the issue. "It was at a party, back when Klaus would keep sneaking out. He was in pretty bad shape. I don't think he even knew who was having it."

He looked down at his hands as he talked. "He kept taking random shit people would give him. He just... There was one guy who pulled him down the hall into a room. I thought they were just gonna… I don’t know, talk or smoke or something."

Ben swallowed heavily. "But he pushed Klaus down, and... and I... I couldn't do anything."

Ben closed his eyes for a second. “I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t touch anything. Couldn’t stop anything. I just had to watch it happen.”

Five shuddered.

Ben pressed on. “We got lucky.  _ He _ got lucky and we got out. Then we went home and just pretended it didn’t happen.”

Ben turned to look at Five. “It took a long time before Klaus was willing to talk about it. I’m willing to wait as long as you want, Five.”

Five was silent for a moment, staring at his wall, eyes flickering over the equations scribbled there. “I think I know how you felt,” he said, voice soft. “I couldn’t do anything. Couldn’t use my hands or my powers. I just… I just had to watch it happen.”

Ben watched him, face neutral.

“I knew what was going on, what he was doing. But I couldn’t… I couldn’t stop it,” Five murmured. “I’ve never been locked out of my powers like that before. Never been locked out of my  _ body _ before.”

Ben got out of his seat and approached slowly, dropping into a crouch in front of Five. “I’m sorry that happened to you. I’m sorry I couldn’t help you.”

Five scoffed before he could stop himself. “I’m the one that should be apologizing.”

Confusion colored Ben’s face. “Why would you need to apologize?”

“Because I… because I let you die,” Five confessed. “If I hadn’t left I would have been here during that mission.”

Ben’s face shifted in sudden recognition. “It wouldn’t have mattered. You know that, right? There was nothing you could have done to save me.”

Five looked away. “You don’t know that. I wasn’t even there to try,” he murmured.

Ben tilted his head forward until he was looking up at Five’s face, forcing his brother to make eye contact.

“Five, you are capable of a great many things. You have unparalleled skills. You’re incredibly smart.” Ben sighed before continuing. “But even you couldn’t have stopped the Horror from going rogue. It’s okay.”

Five opened his mouth to try and argue again but Ben held up a hand to cut him off.

“No one blames you.  _ I _ don’t blame you. So please, stop beating yourself up about it.”

Ben rose up off the floor and settled himself near Five on the bed. The two sat in silence for a moment, Five still looking guilty while Ben studied him.

“That’s your problem, isn’t it?” Ben said with a firm conviction. “You feel like you have to take on everything in this family. You always have. It’s sweet, but you’re kind of an idiot.”

Five’s eyebrows snapped up in surprise. “Excuse me?”

Ben smiled. “You act like you’re the only one capable of doing anything, and you never let anyone else try. I mean sure, we’re a bunch of fuckups, but at least we learn from our mistakes. We evolve.”

Five scoffed. “Your  _ mistakes _ get you  _ killed _ .”

Ben laughed, startling his brother. "So it's only alright if you're the one throwing yourself headfirst into danger? Did you ever think we wouldn't do the same for you, if you'd let us?"

Five looked a little dumbstruck. Ben continued.

“Five. You’re not Atlas. You don’t have to keep carrying everyone else’s bullshit on your shoulders. Can you just try and let us share the load?”

Five swallowed audibly and then fell silent, staring at the floor.

Then a full-body shiver rolled through Ben. His form seemed to glitch, the blue glow illuminating brighter on his skin.

“Oops. Guess we’re almost out of time,” Ben sighed.

Five’s eyes widened in alarm.

_ Not yet. Please not yet. _

Ben shivered again.

“Please think about what I said? I’m always around, so don’t hesitate to ask Klaus to talk to me.” He smiled warmly. “I love you, Five.”

Without thinking Five threw himself forward on the bed, quickly closing the gap between the two. His arms wrapped tightly around Ben, his head pressing into his brother's chest. Ben let out a startled noise at the sudden contact but quickly recovered, placing his arms around Five to return the hug.

The embrace lasted a few seconds and then Ben was gone, drifting out of Five’s arms like smoke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((Once again sorry sorry for the massive delay between chapters. My beta and I are both real-life people with real-life jobs/school so unfortunately, those have to come first.
> 
> Luckily I have the rest of the storyline sketched out already. Unfortunately I have no real time frame for when I'll be releasing, but I'll try my best to not let it be a month again. We've got about 4 left until the end wow!
> 
> Thank y'all so much for sticking with my humble little foray into writing for the first time. I love reading your thoughtful comments and observations <3 
> 
> As this story does have a super weird release schedule, I strongly suggest bookmarking it so you can be notified when new chapters are posted!
> 
> As always, massive shoutout to my beta GwendolynStacy for keeping me sane and also helping me add commas :)
> 
> See y'all next time!!))

**Author's Note:**

> (Hi wow so this is the first fanfiction I've ever written and published and I literally have no idea what I'm doing so here take this trash I have no idea where this came from in my head)


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